Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

A prisoner who was given the capital punishment was
getting ready to be hanged.
A prison official asked him if he would like a last smoke.
The convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke.
I don't want to get lung cancer."

 

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The reason old men use Viagra is not because they're
impotent.
Its because old women are so very ugly.

 

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Overheard in a computer shop: Customer:
"I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"

 

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How is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Because an elephant carries his trunk,
but a snail carries his house!

 

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Fish scales are used to brighten eye shadow, nail polish, 
and lipstick.
So if something’s a little fishy about the gal you’re
kissing...

 

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Have you seen the new warning labels at the service
stations posted next to the prices?
Warning : Filling up could be hazardous to your wealth.
 

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When a vegetarian preaches to me about the evils of
eating meat, I just smile and nod.
In my mind I'm thinking "My food craps on your food"

 

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I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone
has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he
achieved -- winning 7 Tour de France  races whilst on
drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my damn bike.

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I was in a restaurant with my girlfriend when,
all of a sudden, I got down on one knee.
"Oh Kevin," she cried. "I can't believe this is happening!"
"Shut the hell up," I said, peering over the table.
"My wife just walked in."

 

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