••
♥
“My father was from Iceland and my mother was from
Cuba.
I’m an Ice Cube.”
Cuba.
I’m an Ice Cube.”
••
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says
"In an emergency, notify:"
I put "DOCTOR".
What's my wife going to do?
"In an emergency, notify:"
I put "DOCTOR".
What's my wife going to do?
••
Church Bulletins!
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice...
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice...
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
••
A man and his wife are playing golf.
He shanks one into the rough, and finds an old barn
between him and the hole.
"No problem," says his wife, "I'll open the barn doors and
you can hit it through the barn."
She does this, but the ball bounces off a beam, hits her in
the head and kills her.
Three years later, the widower and his buddy are playing
the same course, and the widower lands again in the
same spot.
"No problem," says his buddy, "I'll open the barn doors
and you can hit it through the barn."
"Hell, no!" says the widower.
"Last time I tried that, I came in five over par!"
He shanks one into the rough, and finds an old barn
between him and the hole.
"No problem," says his wife, "I'll open the barn doors and
you can hit it through the barn."
She does this, but the ball bounces off a beam, hits her in
the head and kills her.
Three years later, the widower and his buddy are playing
the same course, and the widower lands again in the
same spot.
"No problem," says his buddy, "I'll open the barn doors
and you can hit it through the barn."
"Hell, no!" says the widower.
"Last time I tried that, I came in five over par!"
••
One day three couples in a minivan are heading to
Yellowstone National Park on a vacation.
One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and
one is from Iowa.
They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for
breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband
from Nebraska says, "could you pass the honey honey?"
to whom his wife, hands over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas says " Could you pass
the sugar sugar?" and she passes him the sugar.
The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at
his wife and says "Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?"
One day three couples in a minivan are heading to
Yellowstone National Park on a vacation.
One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and
one is from Iowa.
They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for
breakfast.
Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband
from Nebraska says, "could you pass the honey honey?"
to whom his wife, hands over the honey.
Then, the husband from Kansas says " Could you pass
the sugar sugar?" and she passes him the sugar.
The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at
his wife and says "Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?"
••
"I think my fish is epileptic" says Johnny.
Looking at the fish the vet says "he looks fine to me".
Johnny replies "I haven't taken him out of the bowl yet"
Looking at the fish the vet says "he looks fine to me".
Johnny replies "I haven't taken him out of the bowl yet"
••
Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?"
Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."
Son: "I thought so.
Bet it won't do me any good either."
Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."
Son: "I thought so.
Bet it won't do me any good either."
••
If you think Americans no longer have a competitive spirit,
watch the shoppers in a supermarket when a cashier
opens a new checkout lane.
watch the shoppers in a supermarket when a cashier
opens a new checkout lane.
••
A major electronics company, Siemens, is introducing
a tiny necklace cell phone for women.
Have you seen this thing?
It's on a chain - you wear it around your neck - it hangs
down right here to a woman's cleavage.
The only problem women have with it;
when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.'
a tiny necklace cell phone for women.
Have you seen this thing?
It's on a chain - you wear it around your neck - it hangs
down right here to a woman's cleavage.
The only problem women have with it;
when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.'
••••
