I think we're gonna get wet, Sam....
••
♥
A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
••
Jerry came home from office at two in the afternoon as
he had forgotten to carry an important file.
He found his wife without a stitch on their bed.
Jerry, obviously surprised, said to her, “Brenda, what
do you think you are doing lying there like that at this
time of the day?”
Brenda replied, “I don’t have anything proper to wear.”
Jerry opened their closet and said.
“What the hell………you have countless dresses, see……
here’s one dress……second dress……third one…...
the fourth…………"hi there Tom”………here’s the fifth……..”
he had forgotten to carry an important file.
He found his wife without a stitch on their bed.
Jerry, obviously surprised, said to her, “Brenda, what
do you think you are doing lying there like that at this
time of the day?”
Brenda replied, “I don’t have anything proper to wear.”
Jerry opened their closet and said.
“What the hell………you have countless dresses, see……
here’s one dress……second dress……third one…...
the fourth…………"hi there Tom”………here’s the fifth……..”
••
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they would not be caught dead in otherwise..
they would not be caught dead in otherwise..
••
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her
eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so
poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked,
"With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly
that is?
It's true that I would like a husband of my own
someday...... But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly,
"I'll use a rubber!"
eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so
poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked,
"With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly
that is?
It's true that I would like a husband of my own
someday...... But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly,
"I'll use a rubber!"
••
"We are all born ignorant,But one must work hard
to remain stupid" -Benjamin Franklin
"We are all born ignorant,But one must work hard
to remain stupid" -Benjamin Franklin
••
Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?
Man: Yes.
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00,
Man: Yes.
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00,
and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending
roughly $900 each month.
In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer,
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer,
not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your
spending roughly $162,000; correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that
if you did not drink for the last 15 years,
you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your Ferrari?
••
Why do women like silent men?
They think they’re listening.....
They think they’re listening.....
••
A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,
Really liked playing with fire.
One night in the dark
He swam with a shark,
And his voice is now two octaves higher.
Really liked playing with fire.
One night in the dark
He swam with a shark,
And his voice is now two octaves higher.
Hymns for the Over 60s....
••
Old peoples song..
Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
Just a Slower Walk with Thee
Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God,
I've Forgotten Where I've Left my Car
Count Your Many Birthdays,
Count Them One By One
Blessed Insurance
It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
Just a Slower Walk with Thee
Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God,
I've Forgotten Where I've Left my Car
Count Your Many Birthdays,
Count Them One By One
Blessed Insurance
It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
••••
