••
♥
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages
on someone's answering machine?
"Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now.
I hope you are too.
The thought for the day is "Share the love."
"Beep." "Uh, yeah. . . this is the VD clinic calling. . .
Speaking of being positive, your test is back.
Stop sharing the love." -- Andy Rooney
on someone's answering machine?
"Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now.
I hope you are too.
The thought for the day is "Share the love."
"Beep." "Uh, yeah. . . this is the VD clinic calling. . .
Speaking of being positive, your test is back.
Stop sharing the love." -- Andy Rooney
••
Definition of an elephant:
A mouse built to government specifications.
A mouse built to government specifications.
••
My sisters a personal trainer.
Thats a tough job.
I don't think I can do that.
You gotta help people with their fitness goals.
Can you help me define my abs?
Yeah -- disgusting, sloppy, gelatinous.
Thats a tough job.
I don't think I can do that.
You gotta help people with their fitness goals.
Can you help me define my abs?
Yeah -- disgusting, sloppy, gelatinous.
••
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
••
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit
prior to the birth of their first child.
After everything checked out, the doctor took a small
stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for,
so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass
to try to see what it was.
In very tiny letters, the stamp said,
"When you can read this, come back and see me."
prior to the birth of their first child.
After everything checked out, the doctor took a small
stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for,
so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass
to try to see what it was.
In very tiny letters, the stamp said,
"When you can read this, come back and see me."
••
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat.
So I looked closer.
It was made of grass.
So I looked closer.
It was made of grass.
••
Confucius Say: It's OK to let a fool kiss you;
but don't let a kiss fool you.
Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for
downstairs merchandise.
Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a
loser.
Confucius Say: A drunken man's words are a sober
man's thoughts.
Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland ...
a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you
do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
but don't let a kiss fool you.
Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for
downstairs merchandise.
Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a
loser.
Confucius Say: A drunken man's words are a sober
man's thoughts.
Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland ...
a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you
do not have than to have the mate you do not want.
••
I bought a million lottery ticket.
I won a dollar.
I won a dollar.
••••
