••
♥
Sir Isaac Newton goes to a cocktail party and introduces
himself to a smart looking person and asks,
"Do you mind telling me your IQ?"
The guy answers, " It's 208."
"Truly amazing!" says Newton.
"We will talk about the Big Bang theory and the other
mysteries of the universe.
I think we can have a long conversation!"
Newton then finds another man and asks him about his
IQ, to which the man replies, "its 137."
"Wonderful!" says Newton.
"We can discuss politics and world peace."
Newton goes to a third person asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "53."
Newton excited exclaims, "So it's you who owns the
Harley Davidson parked out front!"
himself to a smart looking person and asks,
"Do you mind telling me your IQ?"
The guy answers, " It's 208."
"Truly amazing!" says Newton.
"We will talk about the Big Bang theory and the other
mysteries of the universe.
I think we can have a long conversation!"
Newton then finds another man and asks him about his
IQ, to which the man replies, "its 137."
"Wonderful!" says Newton.
"We can discuss politics and world peace."
Newton goes to a third person asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "53."
Newton excited exclaims, "So it's you who owns the
Harley Davidson parked out front!"
••
Saw a midget carrying a TV to his car earlier.
"Hey mate, want a lift with that Plasma?" I asked.
"Bug off!" He yelled.
"It's an iPad!"
"Hey mate, want a lift with that Plasma?" I asked.
"Bug off!" He yelled.
"It's an iPad!"
••
October 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening From The
Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered .......0
Transvestites...... 133
Hernias....... 12,485
Hemorrhoid Cases........ 34,172
Enlarged Prostates...... 78,249
Breast Implants........ 10,659,350
Natural Blondes......... 3
It was also discovered that 535 members of Congress
had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered .......0
Transvestites...... 133
Hernias....... 12,485
Hemorrhoid Cases........ 34,172
Enlarged Prostates...... 78,249
Breast Implants........ 10,659,350
Natural Blondes......... 3
It was also discovered that 535 members of Congress
had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
••
If everyone grows up with high self-esteem,
whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
••
I walked into the pet shop yesterday and saw an old
friend working there.
I said, "don't you work at Burger King anymore?"
"Nah, moved on since then....... What can I get you?"
"Glad to hear it.
I'm looking for a tropical frog."
"Do you want flies with that?"
friend working there.
I said, "don't you work at Burger King anymore?"
"Nah, moved on since then....... What can I get you?"
"Glad to hear it.
I'm looking for a tropical frog."
"Do you want flies with that?"
••
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon
for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking
on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been
stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into
the air, caught it above his head without even looking
and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse
ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what
I dun in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,
"Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking
on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been
stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into
the air, caught it above his head without even looking
and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?"
he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse
ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what
I dun in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,
"Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
••
I'm sick of all the willy enlarging emails I get everyday.
When are they gonna come out with vagina shrinking pills?
I'm sick of all the willy enlarging emails I get everyday.
When are they gonna come out with vagina shrinking pills?
••
I got a chain letter by FAX.
It's very simple.
You just FAX a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
It's very simple.
You just FAX a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
••••
