••
♥
Fire usually moves faster uphill than downhill.
So make sure you run downhill to escape rather than
stand there and admire your work from the top of the
hill.
So make sure you run downhill to escape rather than
stand there and admire your work from the top of the
hill.
••
If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?
what do humanitarians eat?
••
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little
piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their
orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little
piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table and asked if the piggies would like
any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third
little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little
piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way
home!
The waiter came and took their drink order.
'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.
'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little
piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their
orders for dinner.
'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.
'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little
piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table and asked if the piggies would like
any dessert.
'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.
'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third
little piggy.
'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little
piggy,'
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'
The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way
home!
••
When I see lovers' names carved into a tree.
I don't think it's cute, I just think it's strange how many
people take knives on a date.
I don't think it's cute, I just think it's strange how many
people take knives on a date.
••
A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot
playing with some twigs, once upon a time.
Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and
branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement,
actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a
pattern.
Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead.
The mathematician was so moved that he named the
shape, "Dead parrot" although -- of course -- he said it in
Greek.
Which is why we call that shape a polygon.
playing with some twigs, once upon a time.
Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and
branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement,
actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a
pattern.
Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead.
The mathematician was so moved that he named the
shape, "Dead parrot" although -- of course -- he said it in
Greek.
Which is why we call that shape a polygon.
••
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!
••
Can't decide if I want to put my soup in the microwave
for 30 seconds & have luke warm soup or 31 seconds
& have 3rd degree mouth burns..
for 30 seconds & have luke warm soup or 31 seconds
& have 3rd degree mouth burns..
••
An Islamic woman in a burka knocked on my door.
I didn't answer it, I just stared at her through the mail
slot to see how she liked it.
I didn't answer it, I just stared at her through the mail
slot to see how she liked it.
••
Good: You are hugging a really fit girl.
Bad: You can feel an erection coming.
Ugly: It's not yours.
Bad: You can feel an erection coming.
Ugly: It's not yours.
••
Prince Charles says he wants to ban McDonald's.
He said banning McDonald's is the key to living a healthy
lifestyle.
Really? Why did he single out McDonald's?
I think banning Dominos would make more sense.
They deliver the junk food to your house.
At least with McDonalds you have to get off your fat ass
and walk to your car."
He said banning McDonald's is the key to living a healthy
lifestyle.
Really? Why did he single out McDonald's?
I think banning Dominos would make more sense.
They deliver the junk food to your house.
At least with McDonalds you have to get off your fat ass
and walk to your car."
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