••
♥
Sam was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz,
and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him.
Later that day, Sam came back to the judge who had
presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for
that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why?" asked the judge..... "He won your acquittal.
What do you want to have him arrested for?"
"Well, your honor," replied Sam, "I didn't have the
money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..."
••
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to
see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her
charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your
attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this
district.
The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the
nine children are starving.
They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets
unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to
$400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife.
"May I ask who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his
eyes........ "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to
see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her
charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your
attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this
district.
The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the
nine children are starving.
They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets
unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to
$400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife.
"May I ask who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his
eyes........ "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
••
Am I the only person who blames global warming entirely
on the Amish? Are they not a constant reminder of how
awful life would be without all this great technology?
Every time I want to cut back and conserve on natural
resources, I just look at the Amish and I'm like, hell with
that.
on the Amish? Are they not a constant reminder of how
awful life would be without all this great technology?
Every time I want to cut back and conserve on natural
resources, I just look at the Amish and I'm like, hell with
that.
••
Answering Machine Message 145
Hi. This is John.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend
me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Hi. This is John.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend
me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
••
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute,
and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour,
and it seems like a minute.
That's relativity. ~Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute,
and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour,
and it seems like a minute.
That's relativity. ~Albert Einstein
••
There was this Indian who went to the jungle to hunt
an elephant but had to give up mid-way as he developed
hernia from carrying the decoy.
an elephant but had to give up mid-way as he developed
hernia from carrying the decoy.
••
Question: if your lawyer and wife were drowning
and you had to choose......
would you go to lunch or maybe see a movie?
I know, tough decision!
and you had to choose......
would you go to lunch or maybe see a movie?
I know, tough decision!
••
“I always believed my body was a prison for me.
I was right, in biology I learned they were made of cells...
I was right, in biology I learned they were made of cells...
•••
