••
♥
President Obama says the NSA isn't listening to
my phone conversations with my wife...
That makes two of us.
my phone conversations with my wife...
That makes two of us.
••
Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?
It's all over town!
It's all over town!
••
There were two customers in a Cafe.
As the waiter approached them, the first customer said:
"I'll have coffee."
The second customer, who was snooty, said:
"Coffee for me, too.
And make sure that the cup is clean!"
The waiter returns with the coffee after a while and says:
"Two coffees as you ordered.
Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
As the waiter approached them, the first customer said:
"I'll have coffee."
The second customer, who was snooty, said:
"Coffee for me, too.
And make sure that the cup is clean!"
The waiter returns with the coffee after a while and says:
"Two coffees as you ordered.
Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
••
You know you're having a bad day when even the
Rice Crispies give you the silent treatment.
Rice Crispies give you the silent treatment.
••
Q. What do we call it when we have our appendix removed?
A. An Appendectomy
Q. What is it called when we have our tonsils removed?
A. A Tonsillectomy.
Q. What do we call it when a woman has a sex change operation?
A. An Addadictomy
A. An Appendectomy
Q. What is it called when we have our tonsils removed?
A. A Tonsillectomy.
Q. What do we call it when a woman has a sex change operation?
A. An Addadictomy
••
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor
for a check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible.
Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor.
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man..... "I'm a teetotaler.
Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man.
"Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no!" said the man...... "Sex is sin.
I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"OK," said the doctor.
"That's your trouble..... Your halo is on too tight!"
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor
for a check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible.
Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor.
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man..... "I'm a teetotaler.
Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man.
"Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no!" said the man...... "Sex is sin.
I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"OK," said the doctor.
"That's your trouble..... Your halo is on too tight!"
••
It's funny....
When my wife gives me the "silent treatment"
She thinks it's punishment....
When my wife gives me the "silent treatment"
She thinks it's punishment....
••
There's an Irish contestant on Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire?..... he doesn't know answer.
Chris Tarrant says: "Don't forget you've got 50/50, ask
the audience and phone a friend."
The Irishman says: "I'll phone a friend, please Chris."
He gets on the phone and says: "Hi Seamus, I just want
to ask you, do you think I should do 50/50 or ask the
audience?"
Millionaire?..... he doesn't know answer.
Chris Tarrant says: "Don't forget you've got 50/50, ask
the audience and phone a friend."
The Irishman says: "I'll phone a friend, please Chris."
He gets on the phone and says: "Hi Seamus, I just want
to ask you, do you think I should do 50/50 or ask the
audience?"
••
Men look at a woman's behind and think "Wow what an
Ass!"
Women look at a man's face and think the same thing! ;)
Ass!"
Women look at a man's face and think the same thing! ;)
••
My girlfriend told me to go out and find her something
that I think will make her look sexy.
I came back drunk.
that I think will make her look sexy.
I came back drunk.
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