••
♥
Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a
doctor.
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room,
a nun comes out of the doctor's office.
She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.
Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor:
"I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible.
I have never seen a woman look worse."
The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."
Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"
The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."
doctor.
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room,
a nun comes out of the doctor's office.
She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.
Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor:
"I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible.
I have never seen a woman look worse."
The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."
Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"
The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."
••
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his
brother in the jungle the other day?
brother in the jungle the other day?
••
Public Restrooms for Guys....
Its not an enjoyable place.
We get a urinal; we dont get real estate.
Its a little, creepy urinal, right?
Ladies, you know what it feels like in the elevator when
youre in complete silence with a bunch of strangers?
Now put your penis in your hand.
Its not an enjoyable place.
We get a urinal; we dont get real estate.
Its a little, creepy urinal, right?
Ladies, you know what it feels like in the elevator when
youre in complete silence with a bunch of strangers?
Now put your penis in your hand.
••
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat
and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next
to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a
loud voice: "Hi sweetheart.
It's Eric. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty,
but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough,
she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next
to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a
loud voice: "Hi sweetheart.
It's Eric. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty,
but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough,
she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
••
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why
Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that
Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that
Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
••
A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he
can increase his stock.
A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how
his investment is doing.
The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and
won't look at the cows.
His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the
bull.
The following week his friend returns to see if the vet
helped.
The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of
all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even
serviced all my neighbor's cows!
"Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?"
"Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer.
"What kind of pills?" asked his friend.
"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."
A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he
can increase his stock.
A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how
his investment is doing.
The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and
won't look at the cows.
His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the
bull.
The following week his friend returns to see if the vet
helped.
The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of
all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even
serviced all my neighbor's cows!
"Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?"
"Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer.
"What kind of pills?" asked his friend.
"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."
••
My pet turtle ran away last month.....
He's only made it to the end of the driveway...lol,
stupid turtle!
He's only made it to the end of the driveway...lol,
stupid turtle!
••
Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic.
One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."
The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying?
Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that.
During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked the other,
"Why are you crying?"
Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."
One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."
The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying?
Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that.
During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked the other,
"Why are you crying?"
Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."
♦♦♦♦
