••
♥
“President Obama got some good news today.
The IRS ruled he can write off the first half of his second
term as a total loss.”
The IRS ruled he can write off the first half of his second
term as a total loss.”
••
What's fifteen inches long and hangs in front of an
asshole?
A lawyer's necktie.
asshole?
A lawyer's necktie.
••
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard..
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he
had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his
head;
He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down
the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out?
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard,
walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again
slept for about an hour .
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find
out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and
ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your
dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note
pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 -
he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he
had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his
head;
He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down
the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out?
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard,
walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again
slept for about an hour .
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find
out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and
ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your
dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note
pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 -
he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'
••
One time I went to a hotel.
I asked the bellhop to handle my bag.
He felt up my wife!
I asked the bellhop to handle my bag.
He felt up my wife!
••
When I was young and my intent was to go to medical
school, the entrance exam included several questions
that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters
P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human
body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
school, the entrance exam included several questions
that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters
P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human
body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
••
How come... you can't find lawyers sunbathing on the
beach?
Cats keep covering them over with sand.
beach?
Cats keep covering them over with sand.
••
If progress is technology moving forward,then what is
congress?
congress?
••
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan;
"It seems you accidentally received some of my
professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a
farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right
off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right.
And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
"It seems you accidentally received some of my
professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a
farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right
off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right.
And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
••
Money can't buy you happiness..
But its more comfortable to cry in a Jaguar, than it is
to cry on a bicycle.
••••
But its more comfortable to cry in a Jaguar, than it is
to cry on a bicycle.
••••
