# 2013

••

 

••

♥

Hi, this is the NSA......
We've been watching you for some time now and you
are all classified as vermin, depraved psychopaths,
reprobates, malcontents, miscreants and general threats
to the well-being of society.
Listen for drones.

 

••

I waited till I got a huge pimple on my earlobe
to go get my free ear piercing...

 

••

Question: Did the grape say anything when someone
stepped on it?
Answer: It did not say anything, but it gave out a little
whine when it was crushed.

••
Answered the door last night to a 6 ft beetle. 
It started smacking me around the head and telling me
to go to hell.
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round...

 

••

If Hooters delivered would they be called knockers.....

 

••

Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a
mountain lion all at once.
He won by tying them together with an anaconda.

 

••

 A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you!
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied,
“I am on the commode....... Please advise!”

 

••

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris,
but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris
and lives.

 

••••