••
♥
Washington, DC has the highest per capita number of
lawyers and psychiatrists in the nation.
That just seems so right.
lawyers and psychiatrists in the nation.
That just seems so right.
••
On one particular flight the pilot had hammered his plane
into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile,
and a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.”
In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have
a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old
lady walking with a cane.
She approached and asked conspiratorially,
“Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why no Ma'am, what is it?”
“Did we land or were we shot down?”
into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile,
and a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.”
In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have
a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old
lady walking with a cane.
She approached and asked conspiratorially,
“Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why no Ma'am, what is it?”
“Did we land or were we shot down?”
••
Why are there never any good side effects?
Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says,
"May cause extreme sexiness."
Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says,
"May cause extreme sexiness."
••
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Roadshow'.
"Ooh!" said the present er, "This is a very rare set,
produced by the celebrated Johns Brother s taxidermists
who operated in London at the turn of last century.
Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were
in good condition?"
" ...Sticks?" Paddy replied.
"Ooh!" said the present er, "This is a very rare set,
produced by the celebrated Johns Brother s taxidermists
who operated in London at the turn of last century.
Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were
in good condition?"
" ...Sticks?" Paddy replied.
••
Why hasn’t someone invented a smoke detector that
can tell the difference between “blazing inferno” and “toast”?
Why hasn’t someone invented a smoke detector that
can tell the difference between “blazing inferno” and “toast”?
••
I was arrested after my therapist suggested
I take something for my kleptomania....
I take something for my kleptomania....
••
Adviser since retirement...
Someone asked me what I do since I have retired...
Do I have a job?
I replied, “I am my wife's sexual adviser."
Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon,
but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple. My wife told me that when she wants my
damn advice, she'll ask me for it.”
Someone asked me what I do since I have retired...
Do I have a job?
I replied, “I am my wife's sexual adviser."
Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon,
but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple. My wife told me that when she wants my
damn advice, she'll ask me for it.”
••
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the
United States Senate and the House of Representatives.
It will be named The Congressman.
It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.
United States Senate and the House of Representatives.
It will be named The Congressman.
It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.
••
The Pope Mobile:
Because nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of
bulletproof glass.
Because nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of
bulletproof glass.
•••
