••
♥
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominater"!!
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominater"!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
'bout what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned fifty shades of grey.
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
'bout what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned fifty shades of grey.
••
I was at McDonalds earlier and I found a full chicken foot
in a McNugget.
Disgusted, I took it straight to the manager, he said
'That's impossible, how did that get in there?'
I said 'So you're telling me you don't believe I found this
in my meal?'
He replied 'No Sir, I am just shocked you found some
chicken!'
in a McNugget.
Disgusted, I took it straight to the manager, he said
'That's impossible, how did that get in there?'
I said 'So you're telling me you don't believe I found this
in my meal?'
He replied 'No Sir, I am just shocked you found some
chicken!'
••
My job interview went well.
Boss : What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Me: My Honesty
Boss: I don't think honesty would be a weakness.
Me: I don't give a damn what you think.
Boss : What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Me: My Honesty
Boss: I don't think honesty would be a weakness.
Me: I don't give a damn what you think.
••
New product on market.
camouflaged condoms with
slogan "they will never see you coming".
camouflaged condoms with
slogan "they will never see you coming".
••
I bumped into an old school friend today.
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and
expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's
beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my
girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician."
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and
expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's
beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my
girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician."
••••
