••
♥
Two political candidates were having a hot debate.
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other,
"What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back,
"You leave my wife out of this!"
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other,
"What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back,
"You leave my wife out of this!"
••
A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says:
"Make me one with everything."
He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits.
Finally he says: "Where's my change?"
Says the vendor: "All change must come from within."
"Make me one with everything."
He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits.
Finally he says: "Where's my change?"
Says the vendor: "All change must come from within."
••
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!
A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!
••
Little Johnny... comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, “What did you learn in school today?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not much.
They want me back tomorrow.
His mother asks, “What did you learn in school today?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not much.
They want me back tomorrow.
••
Astonishing how many bottles of wine fit in a single glass.
••
One evening after office, I drove my secretary home since
her car would not start.
I decided not to bother my wife, Jane, so did not mention
it to her.
Later that night, I was driving out with Jane to eat when
the I noticed a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger
seat.
Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract
my wife, I picked up the shoe and tossed it out of my
window.
We arrived at the restaurant a short time later, and were
about to get out of the car when Jane asked, 'John, have
you seen my other shoe?
her car would not start.
I decided not to bother my wife, Jane, so did not mention
it to her.
Later that night, I was driving out with Jane to eat when
the I noticed a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger
seat.
Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract
my wife, I picked up the shoe and tossed it out of my
window.
We arrived at the restaurant a short time later, and were
about to get out of the car when Jane asked, 'John, have
you seen my other shoe?
••
God is great, he took a rib from adam and made a loud
speaker.
speaker.
••
Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the
stewardess approached.
"May I get you something?" she asked.
"Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd
like one.
"Never!" he said sternly.
"I'd rather be raped and ravished by wh*res all the way to
America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och,
Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
stewardess approached.
"May I get you something?" she asked.
"Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd
like one.
"Never!" he said sternly.
"I'd rather be raped and ravished by wh*res all the way to
America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och,
Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
••
Why couldn't the pig remember where he lived?
He had ham-nesia.
He had ham-nesia.
••
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned
in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed
with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled
up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner
finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blond attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that
vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant.... "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes.
"Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years.
Of course I know what 'UFO' means.... 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'
road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned
in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed
with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled
up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner
finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blond attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that
vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant.... "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes.
"Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years.
Of course I know what 'UFO' means.... 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'
••
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A: A terrified postman!
••••
A: A terrified postman!
••••
