••
♥
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair
on the Titanic...
on the Titanic...
••
Have you ever heard that business about raw oysters being
good for a man's virility?
Well, take it from me, it's BS.
I ate a dozen of them last night and only 9 of them worked.
good for a man's virility?
Well, take it from me, it's BS.
I ate a dozen of them last night and only 9 of them worked.
••
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to
see what his options were.
Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant.
The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any
hearts immediately available, considering that money was
no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor.
"The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic,
swimmer, with a great diet.
He hit his head on the swimming pool and died.
It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner,
25 years old, great condition, very strong.
He got hit by a bus.
It's $150,000.
The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover.
It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive?
He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a laywer...... It's never been used."
see what his options were.
Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant.
The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any
hearts immediately available, considering that money was
no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor.
"The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic,
swimmer, with a great diet.
He hit his head on the swimming pool and died.
It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner,
25 years old, great condition, very strong.
He got hit by a bus.
It's $150,000.
The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover.
It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive?
He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a laywer...... It's never been used."
••
So I haven't spoken to my wife in over 18 months.
She hates being interrupted.
She hates being interrupted.
••
I have just figured out WHY I have gained so much weight!
The shampoo I use in the shower everyday, that runs down
my body, says “for EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.” !!
I think I will be going to the store tomorrow to buy some
DAWN Dishwashing Liquid to wash with, because it says:
“DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO
REMOVE" !
The shampoo I use in the shower everyday, that runs down
my body, says “for EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.” !!
I think I will be going to the store tomorrow to buy some
DAWN Dishwashing Liquid to wash with, because it says:
“DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO
REMOVE" !
••
“What do you call a spittoon in a wine bar?
Grape expectorations.”
“What do you call a spittoon in a wine bar?
Grape expectorations.”
••
You might be a Redneck if...
* Your momma has ever stomped into the house and
* Your momma has ever stomped into the house and
announced........
* "The feud is back on!"
* There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
* Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
* Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
* Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
* Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
* The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
* Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
* You picked your teeth from a catalog.
* "The feud is back on!"
* There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
* Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
* Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
* Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
* Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
* The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
* Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
* You picked your teeth from a catalog.
••
There is always a little truth behind every just kidding.
••••
