••
♥
Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas.
The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer.
He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!"
The second boy said, "That's nothing.
My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning
every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom
says he has to!"
The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming!
My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago,
and he hasn't come out since!!!"
The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer.
He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!"
The second boy said, "That's nothing.
My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning
every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom
says he has to!"
The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming!
My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago,
and he hasn't come out since!!!"
••
My love ... you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in, to smell this way?
What have you stepped in, to smell this way?
••
On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the
door to speak to the minister.
Would it be right, he asked, for a person to profit from the
mistakes of another?
Absolutely not! replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank
would even ask such a question.
In that case, said the young man, I wonder if you would
consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry
my wife and me last July?
door to speak to the minister.
Would it be right, he asked, for a person to profit from the
mistakes of another?
Absolutely not! replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank
would even ask such a question.
In that case, said the young man, I wonder if you would
consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry
my wife and me last July?
••
Did you hear about the Broadway actor who broke through
the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Did you hear about the Broadway actor who broke through
the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
••
A man brings his best buddy back home for dinner.
His wife screams at him, "my hair & makeup are not done,
the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my
pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him around for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
His wife screams at him, "my hair & makeup are not done,
the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my
pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him around for?"
"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
••
Three ninjas are comparing their ability and... boasting who
is the best..
The first says "Watch this" and does a chop in the air and a
bee falls to the ground - chopped in half.
The second says "That's nothing, watch this" and he also
Does a chop in the air and a fly falls to the ground -
chopped in half.
The third also does a chop in the air towards a tiny gnat
which then just flies off.
The first two laugh and say that he didn't chop it in half.
"I know" the third ninja replies "
but he'll never have children"
is the best..
The first says "Watch this" and does a chop in the air and a
bee falls to the ground - chopped in half.
The second says "That's nothing, watch this" and he also
Does a chop in the air and a fly falls to the ground -
chopped in half.
The third also does a chop in the air towards a tiny gnat
which then just flies off.
The first two laugh and say that he didn't chop it in half.
"I know" the third ninja replies "
but he'll never have children"
••
What do a condom and a coffin have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, except one's coming and
one's going.
They're both filled with stiffs, except one's coming and
one's going.
••
I just got back from Portland, Oregon.
Portland, of course, is a very progressive city, one that does
not spay or neuter its hippie population.
So there is an overabundance....
Portland, of course, is a very progressive city, one that does
not spay or neuter its hippie population.
So there is an overabundance....
••
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
••••
