••
♥
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
Usually, the reason is that somebody screwed up.
Usually, the reason is that somebody screwed up.
••
"Great, just what I need," she moaned as I brought home
a new microwave oven.
"One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in
twenty seconds."
a new microwave oven.
"One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in
twenty seconds."
••
Damn, there is just no pleasing a woman!
Tests conducted by the University of Michigan concluded
that while a dog’s memory lasts no more than 5 minutes,
a cat’s can last as long as 16 hours exceeding even that of
monkeys and orangutans.
No wonder your cat is still mad at you for kicking her off
the bed last night.....
Tests conducted by the University of Michigan concluded
that while a dog’s memory lasts no more than 5 minutes,
a cat’s can last as long as 16 hours exceeding even that of
monkeys and orangutans.
No wonder your cat is still mad at you for kicking her off
the bed last night.....
••
People who live in glass houses....
Have lots of dead birds on their lawn.
Have lots of dead birds on their lawn.
••
A new survey declares that USA's obesity rate actually went
down last year, Yeah, right - the observation was made by
that one researcher guy who hasn't been to the mall in a year.
down last year, Yeah, right - the observation was made by
that one researcher guy who hasn't been to the mall in a year.
••
“When the lumber baron was unable to log in,
his business ended in a forced shut down!”
his business ended in a forced shut down!”
••
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the
folks go by from their park bench.
Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this
'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual
orgasm'.
Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there.
That's all they talk about.
Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two
ever have mutual orgasm?"
Mabel thought for a long while.
Finally, she shook her head and said,
"No, I think we had State Farm."
folks go by from their park bench.
Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this
'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual
orgasm'.
Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there.
That's all they talk about.
Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two
ever have mutual orgasm?"
Mabel thought for a long while.
Finally, she shook her head and said,
"No, I think we had State Farm."
••
Q: How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: Three. One to administer the anesthetic, one to extract
the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.
A: Three. One to administer the anesthetic, one to extract
the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.
••
A woman walks into work late and her boss starts going
mental.
"You're two hours late!" he yelled.
"Will I have to report you to management?"
"I'm actually two weeks late, thanks to you," she replied.
"Shall I report you to your wife?"
"Take the day off," he squirmed.
mental.
"You're two hours late!" he yelled.
"Will I have to report you to management?"
"I'm actually two weeks late, thanks to you," she replied.
"Shall I report you to your wife?"
"Take the day off," he squirmed.
••••
