Opps....
••
♥
Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched
ths small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he
found a sign which read:
"Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."
After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my
suit tomorrow."
"Won't be ready till Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer
protested.
"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully.
"But we only work eight hours a day.
Today's Thursday - eight hours today, eight hours Friday,
eight on Saturday.
That's 24-hour service."
ths small Georgia town in which he was visiting until he
found a sign which read:
"Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."
After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my
suit tomorrow."
"Won't be ready till Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer
protested.
"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully.
"But we only work eight hours a day.
Today's Thursday - eight hours today, eight hours Friday,
eight on Saturday.
That's 24-hour service."
••
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife
stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his
secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion,
gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue
to operate this office with just one chair.”
stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his
secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion,
gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue
to operate this office with just one chair.”
••
Noah closed and seals the door to the Arc, then he turns
around to address the animals aboard the ship....
"I don't know what you've been told" he said,
"This isn't going to be a pleasure cruise.
40 days and 40 nights with minimum food, water and space.
You replenish the earth,... AFTER you get off the boat.
NO SEX ON THIS VESSEL!
To make sure this happens, we're going to confiscate all
males' privates, and you will be given a receipt.
Turn it in as you leave and you'll get your organ back."
Two weeks out the Rabbit wakes up and nudges his wife....
"Did we hit land yet?" "No" she replied, "Go back to sleep."
A couple of weeks later he woke up again....
"Did we hit land yet?" "No, no" she replied again,
"Why are you so excited?"
The rabbit drew near and wispered softly....
"I've got the horse's receipt."
around to address the animals aboard the ship....
"I don't know what you've been told" he said,
"This isn't going to be a pleasure cruise.
40 days and 40 nights with minimum food, water and space.
You replenish the earth,... AFTER you get off the boat.
NO SEX ON THIS VESSEL!
To make sure this happens, we're going to confiscate all
males' privates, and you will be given a receipt.
Turn it in as you leave and you'll get your organ back."
Two weeks out the Rabbit wakes up and nudges his wife....
"Did we hit land yet?" "No" she replied, "Go back to sleep."
A couple of weeks later he woke up again....
"Did we hit land yet?" "No, no" she replied again,
"Why are you so excited?"
The rabbit drew near and wispered softly....
"I've got the horse's receipt."
••
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a
deserted island.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore
and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge
handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and
told him, "With the captain's compliments.
He said to read through these and let us know if you still
want to be rescued."
deserted island.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore
and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge
handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and
told him, "With the captain's compliments.
He said to read through these and let us know if you still
want to be rescued."
••
Good Moms let their kids lick the frosting off the mixer's
beaters.....
Great Mom's turn the mixer off first!
beaters.....
Great Mom's turn the mixer off first!
••
A young man, living away from home, writes to his parents:
Dear folks,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money.
I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another
hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.
I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked
this up in the box at the corner.
I wanted to take this letter and burn it.
I prayed that I could get it back..... But it was too late.
A few days later he received a letter from his father.
It said:
Dear Son,
Your prayers were answered.
Your letter never came."
Dear folks,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money.
I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another
hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.
I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked
this up in the box at the corner.
I wanted to take this letter and burn it.
I prayed that I could get it back..... But it was too late.
A few days later he received a letter from his father.
It said:
Dear Son,
Your prayers were answered.
Your letter never came."
••
I was reading a book called Great Expectations..
It wasn't what I thought it would be...
It wasn't what I thought it would be...
••
I went to see a Muslim band last night.
They were called "Bomb Jovi"..
They were O.K., if you like that sorta crap.
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought
the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started braggin about how he had
the entire Koran on dvd.
I was interested so I asked him,
"Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started...
They have no sense of Humor!!
I went to see a Muslim band last night.
They were called "Bomb Jovi"..
They were O.K., if you like that sorta crap.
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought
the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started braggin about how he had
the entire Koran on dvd.
I was interested so I asked him,
"Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started...
They have no sense of Humor!!
••
Spotted on a church marquee: “Love your enemies;
After all, You made them.”
After all, You made them.”
••••
