••
♥
Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside
close to each other and do constant welfare checks on
each other.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the
morning paper and turns to the obituaries page.
He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary
in the column.
He realises that the query for info on him by the local
newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for
this event.
He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their
database.
It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up.
"Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike.
Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my
coffee."
"Brad, open the newspaper to page 5."
"Why, what's in the paper?"
"Brad, get the paper and open it to page 5 now!"
"Ok, ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 5?"
"Brad, look at the bottom of column 4."
"Why? What's that story on?"
"Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"
"Ok, ok, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in
my ear!"The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long
silent pause ensues.
Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks
in a trembling voice........
"So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?"
close to each other and do constant welfare checks on
each other.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the
morning paper and turns to the obituaries page.
He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary
in the column.
He realises that the query for info on him by the local
newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for
this event.
He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their
database.
It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up.
"Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike.
Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my
coffee."
"Brad, open the newspaper to page 5."
"Why, what's in the paper?"
"Brad, get the paper and open it to page 5 now!"
"Ok, ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 5?"
"Brad, look at the bottom of column 4."
"Why? What's that story on?"
"Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"
"Ok, ok, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in
my ear!"The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long
silent pause ensues.
Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks
in a trembling voice........
"So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?"
••
My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.
"Bull" I said....... "I didn't even know it was your birthday."
"Bull" I said....... "I didn't even know it was your birthday."
••
My wife´s suspicious mind is really beginning to annoy me.
Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to
know who May was.
Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to
know who May was.
••
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find
her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a
leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the
sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home
to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!'
her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a
leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the
sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home
to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!'
••
Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He needed some space.....
He needed some space.....
••
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride.
They had brought along bananas for lunch.
Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long,
dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No, " replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den, " Ole exclaimed.
"I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
They had brought along bananas for lunch.
Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long,
dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No, " replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den, " Ole exclaimed.
"I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"
••
I saw a woman earlier today who had no chin and all I
could think about was how does she put pillow cases on?
could think about was how does she put pillow cases on?
••
John was talking to his girl friend, Rebecca.
He said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that
you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition
of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun,
checked his dictionary and found...... "WARM: Not so hot."
He said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that
you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition
of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun,
checked his dictionary and found...... "WARM: Not so hot."
••••
