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In a new interview, Joe Biden says he spends four or five
hours every day with President Obama. In response, Obama said hiring that Obama impersonator
was the best decision he's ever made.
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A man goes into a bar and drinks some ale.
After every pint he pulls a picture out of his pocket and
looks at it.
After the 4th pint the bartender asks him why after every
pint he pulls the picture out and looks at it.
Then the man says, "It's a picture of my wife.
When she looks good to me I'm going home."
After every pint he pulls a picture out of his pocket and
looks at it.
After the 4th pint the bartender asks him why after every
pint he pulls the picture out and looks at it.
Then the man says, "It's a picture of my wife.
When she looks good to me I'm going home."
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Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: His bark was much worse than it's bite!
Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: His bark was much worse than it's bite!
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"Do you think this skirts too short John," Asked the wife.
"Well it is a bit." I replied.
"I would prefer you wore a longer one."
"How much longer?" She said.
"About 3 inches below your cellulite would be great."
I replied.
"Well it is a bit." I replied.
"I would prefer you wore a longer one."
"How much longer?" She said.
"About 3 inches below your cellulite would be great."
I replied.
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Did you hear the one about the convict who had an allergy?
He broke out.
He broke out.
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A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the
shoes and at the man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the
shoes and at the man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
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One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world twenty feet
below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on
no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another twenty feet, but the guy joined
him a few minutes later.
The diver went down another twenty-five feet, but minutes
later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof
chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able
to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver
had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"
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I saw a woman earlier today who had no chin and all I
could think about was how does she put pillow cases on?
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