Happy Mothers Day.....
••
♥
Bought a box of powdered water...didn't know what to add...
••
I hate it when you're drying between your arse cheeks with
a towel and you get chit on it.
It happened to me today.
So I put the towel back while my wife wasn't looking.
Grabbed another one and took it to the checkout.
a towel and you get chit on it.
It happened to me today.
So I put the towel back while my wife wasn't looking.
Grabbed another one and took it to the checkout.
••
After realising we can't have kids, me and the wife are
considering adoption.
I doubt anyone will have us though, we're nearly 60.
considering adoption.
I doubt anyone will have us though, we're nearly 60.
••
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!
••
It was a Sunday and the preacher was addressing a mass
in the church.
During his sermon, the preacher broached the subject of
Heaven and Hell, how good deeds allow you a place in
Heaven and how bad deeds make you suffer in Hell.
Finally done, the preacher commanded:
“Raise your hands - those of you who want to go to heaven.”
Every one raised his hand except Dean and Martin.
Father asked them: “What’s wrong with the two of you?
Don’t you fancy heaven?”
Dean: “We do, we do.
But we thought like you are taking us there right now and
we are not ready yet.”
in the church.
During his sermon, the preacher broached the subject of
Heaven and Hell, how good deeds allow you a place in
Heaven and how bad deeds make you suffer in Hell.
Finally done, the preacher commanded:
“Raise your hands - those of you who want to go to heaven.”
Every one raised his hand except Dean and Martin.
Father asked them: “What’s wrong with the two of you?
Don’t you fancy heaven?”
Dean: “We do, we do.
But we thought like you are taking us there right now and
we are not ready yet.”
••
Knock knock
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any better jokes on this site?
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any better jokes on this site?
••
A dog goes into an employment office and asks to speak
to a counselor.
The counselor is amazed when the dog walks into his office
and asks if the man can help him find a job.
"A talking dog!"
The counselor says.... "I think the Circus can find a place
for someone with your talents."
The dog thinks about it for a minute then asks,
"Oh really? Does the Circus needs a plumber?"
to a counselor.
The counselor is amazed when the dog walks into his office
and asks if the man can help him find a job.
"A talking dog!"
The counselor says.... "I think the Circus can find a place
for someone with your talents."
The dog thinks about it for a minute then asks,
"Oh really? Does the Circus needs a plumber?"
••
A friend told me:
I heard that you can get a job at Hooters if one has
BIG HOOTERS...
but I only have 1 leg so I ended up getting a job at Ihop !
I heard that you can get a job at Hooters if one has
BIG HOOTERS...
but I only have 1 leg so I ended up getting a job at Ihop !
••
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health
and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of
traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes
who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and
chit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.
and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of
traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes
who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and
chit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.
••••
