••
♥
Fred says to his friend Sam, "I want to buy a gift for my
girlfriend on her birthday but I am not sure what she would
like.
Can you suggest something?"
Sam : "Does she like you?"
Fred : "Of course yes."
Sam : "Then she would like anything."
girlfriend on her birthday but I am not sure what she would
like.
Can you suggest something?"
Sam : "Does she like you?"
Fred : "Of course yes."
Sam : "Then she would like anything."
••
A mother decided that her young 11 year old daughter
should open her own bank account.
"As it will be your account, I think that you should
complete the application form" said the mother.
The daughter was doing really well but was puzzled when
she came to where it said 'Name of previous bank'.
She pondered for a second and when wrote 'Piggy'.
should open her own bank account.
"As it will be your account, I think that you should
complete the application form" said the mother.
The daughter was doing really well but was puzzled when
she came to where it said 'Name of previous bank'.
She pondered for a second and when wrote 'Piggy'.
••
Answering Machine Message 244:
Thank you for calling Starfleet Command.
No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the
sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet
you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking.
Thank you for calling Starfleet Command.
No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the
sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet
you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking.
••
"Happy 18th son!
All these presents are just for you!"
After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these
boxes are empty..."
"I know.
Use them to pack your things and get out."
All these presents are just for you!"
After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these
boxes are empty..."
"I know.
Use them to pack your things and get out."
••
Yo mama's so FAT:
she don't take pictures, she takes posters....
her baby pictures were taken by satellite...
a picture of her would fall off the wall..
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo,
she don't take pictures, she takes posters....
her baby pictures were taken by satellite...
a picture of her would fall off the wall..
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo,
and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us...
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out...
she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks...
she puts on her belt with a boomerang ...
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors...
when you get on top of her your ears pop...
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too...
the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"...
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out...
she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks...
she puts on her belt with a boomerang ...
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors...
when you get on top of her your ears pop...
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too...
the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"...
••
Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
••
When I was young and my intent was to go to medical
school, the entrance exam included several questions that
would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I
to spell out an important part of the human body that is
more useful when erect."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
school, the entrance exam included several questions that
would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I
to spell out an important part of the human body that is
more useful when erect."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
••
“The politician is not one for Indian food.
But he's good at currying favors.”
But he's good at currying favors.”
••
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any
ducks.
"What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his
companion.
"I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the
dog up high enough."
ducks.
"What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his
companion.
"I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the
dog up high enough."
••••
