••
♥
Dogs are the leaders of the planet.
If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop,
the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume
is in charge. --Jerry Seinfeld--
If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop,
the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume
is in charge. --Jerry Seinfeld--
••
A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."
Trying to be funny, the daddy says,"Honey, you do have a
sister"
"I do?" questions the confused little girl.
"Sure," responds the dad.
"You just don't see her because when you are coming in the
front door, she is always leaving through the back door"
The little girl gave this a few moments thought and
remarked........"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
Trying to be funny, the daddy says,"Honey, you do have a
sister"
"I do?" questions the confused little girl.
"Sure," responds the dad.
"You just don't see her because when you are coming in the
front door, she is always leaving through the back door"
The little girl gave this a few moments thought and
remarked........"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
••
Sam knelt in the confessional and said,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity.
Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself
how handsome I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at Sam and said,
"Sam, I have good news.
That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
Sam knelt in the confessional and said,
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity.
Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself
how handsome I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at Sam and said,
"Sam, I have good news.
That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
••
One Monday morning a man goes to his bank manager and
says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"
The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together
on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait."
says "I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?"
The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together
on his gut and replies "Buy a big one and wait."
••
You Might Be An Internet Addict If...
>You step out of your room and realize that your parents
have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it
happened.
>Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
>You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
>You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
>Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
see a new WWW site address on TV.
>You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you
can hear if new e-mail arrives.
>You step out of your room and realize that your parents
have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it
happened.
>Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
>You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
>You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
>Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
see a new WWW site address on TV.
>You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you
can hear if new e-mail arrives.
••
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King.......
and got one.
and got one.
••
The President was awakened one night by an urgent call
from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to
contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad
news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures
from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat
reporters & piss oil."
from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to
contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad
news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures
from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat
reporters & piss oil."
••
Something to ponder over the weekend;
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
••••
