••
♥
Instead of "the John", I call my bathroom "the Jim".
That way it sounds better when I say that "I go to the Jim
first thing every morning."
That way it sounds better when I say that "I go to the Jim
first thing every morning."
••
I'm trying to organise a Speed Groping night.
I don't know if it'll happen, it's touch and go.
I don't know if it'll happen, it's touch and go.
••
You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this
country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and
only 3 cashiers.
country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and
only 3 cashiers.
••
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has
treated Lance Armstrong,
Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France
races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike!!!!!
treated Lance Armstrong,
Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France
races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike!!!!!
••
Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a
interview for a good paying job.
The company boss asked various questions about him and
his education, but then asked him, "What is three times
seven?"
"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator
(he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and
realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired
for the job!
He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was
still very curious.
The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the
job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
interview for a good paying job.
The company boss asked various questions about him and
his education, but then asked him, "What is three times
seven?"
"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator
(he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and
realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired
for the job!
He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was
still very curious.
The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the
job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
••
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and
precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal
and sincere.
precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal
and sincere.
••
A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor
comes into the room and says, "I have something to tell
you about your child.."
The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face
and says, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it,
it's just a little different!...... It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite, what's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both features of a male and a
female."
The woman looks relieved.
"What? You mean it has a penis AND a brain?"
comes into the room and says, "I have something to tell
you about your child.."
The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face
and says, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it,
it's just a little different!...... It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite, what's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both features of a male and a
female."
The woman looks relieved.
"What? You mean it has a penis AND a brain?"
••
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
••••
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
••••
