••
♥
we must conduct mental health screenings
for anyone wishing to own pressure cookers....
for anyone wishing to own pressure cookers....
••
An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway
patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Edinburgh. I spent some
time there once and had the worst sex I have ever had."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway
patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Edinburgh. I spent some
time there once and had the worst sex I have ever had."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"
••
A government report found that the US spends more than
1 billion on redundant government programs.
Another government report found that the US spends more
than 1 billion on redundant government programs.
1 billion on redundant government programs.
Another government report found that the US spends more
than 1 billion on redundant government programs.
••
Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up
some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, it's hotter Dan hell today," she mused to herself as she
walked down Main Street .
She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?"
So, she walked in and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars,
but today I vill make an exception...
It is zo hot, I tink I'll haf myself a cold beer"
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"
some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, it's hotter Dan hell today," she mused to herself as she
walked down Main Street .
She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?"
So, she walked in and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars,
but today I vill make an exception...
It is zo hot, I tink I'll haf myself a cold beer"
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"
••
I bought a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the supermarket.
As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce
that?”
Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said,
“Four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”
As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce
that?”
Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said,
“Four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”
••
Question: ... What is a formation of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hairline.........
A receding hairline.........
••
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said
that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be
standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to
death.
that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be
standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to
death.
••
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will
last at least until we've finished building it...
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will
last at least until we've finished building it...
••••
