Talk about a sloppy kiss.....
••
♥
How did Helen Keller break her arms?
Trying to read road signs at forty M.P.H.
Trying to read road signs at forty M.P.H.
••
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate,
when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of
brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of
brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
••
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after
a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull
1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up
his dry cleaning.
a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull
1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up
his dry cleaning.
••
I am such a lucky man.
My wife has just said that I can invite my sexy secretary to our
house for a few drinks and have sex with her as much as I want
all weekend.
Well, what she actually said was "I'm going to New York this
weekend with work, so you will have the house to yourself."
My wife has just said that I can invite my sexy secretary to our
house for a few drinks and have sex with her as much as I want
all weekend.
Well, what she actually said was "I'm going to New York this
weekend with work, so you will have the house to yourself."
••
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last
Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs
Out Soon.
Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs
Out Soon.
••
"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.
"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."
A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her.
"Well, what did he say?"
"Nothing." I said...... "It's a trash can."
"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."
A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her.
"Well, what did he say?"
"Nothing." I said...... "It's a trash can."
••
The trouble with practical jokes is.....
that very often they get elected, or reelected.
that very often they get elected, or reelected.
••
A young man on acid walked into a dentist's office and said,
"Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist.... You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
"Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist.... You need a psychiatrist."
"Yes, I know," the man said.
The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"
The man replied, "The light was on."
••
Teacher: Who is the President of United States?
Johnny: I don't know Miss.
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies.
Johnny: Please Miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes.
Johnny: Do you know Angela?
Teacher: No, why?
Johnny : You need to focus more on your husband!
Johnny: I don't know Miss.
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies.
Johnny: Please Miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes.
Johnny: Do you know Angela?
Teacher: No, why?
Johnny : You need to focus more on your husband!
••
The geriatrician had an 88 year old woman in for X-Rays.
He kidded with her, "Before we do this procedure, I have to
check: are you pregnant?"
"No." she answered, "But boy, am I late."
He kidded with her, "Before we do this procedure, I have to
check: are you pregnant?"
"No." she answered, "But boy, am I late."
••••
