••
♥
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel..
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel..
••
Today's forecast, severe attitude warnings possible throughout the
day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance
later in the day...
day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance
later in the day...
••
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN...... (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
••
Dear Diet, Things just aren't going to work between us.
It's not me, it's you.
You're tasteless, boring and I cant stand cheating on you.
Let's break up.
It's not me, it's you.
You're tasteless, boring and I cant stand cheating on you.
Let's break up.
••
I came up with a great way to never lose money when I go to
Las Vegas...
I keep playing the change machine!
Las Vegas...
I keep playing the change machine!
••
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died of cancer."
The second man said, "I died of Tuberculosis. "
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS.
I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"
The first man said, "I died of cancer."
The second man said, "I died of Tuberculosis. "
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS.
I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"
••
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting
with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting
with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
••
Swine Flue alert!.....
Everyone should be aware that there is a possibility of another
outbreak of swine flu during the next few months.
Please be conscious of the indications that you or members of
your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus.
The symptoms associated with this disease are:
1. Sore throat..
2. Slight headache..
3. Moderate to high temperature..
4. Nausea or upset stomach..
5. Uncontrollable urge to roll in the mud..
Everyone should be aware that there is a possibility of another
outbreak of swine flu during the next few months.
Please be conscious of the indications that you or members of
your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus.
The symptoms associated with this disease are:
1. Sore throat..
2. Slight headache..
3. Moderate to high temperature..
4. Nausea or upset stomach..
5. Uncontrollable urge to roll in the mud..
••
A lady standing in the middle of a busy street asked a traffic
constable: “Can you guide me how to go to the city hospital?”
Constable: “Lady, just keep standing here and you will be there
in no time.”
constable: “Can you guide me how to go to the city hospital?”
Constable: “Lady, just keep standing here and you will be there
in no time.”
••••
