••
♥
A blonde woman is driving down the road.
She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the
keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a
hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the
blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and
around while the blonde inside the car is saying,
"A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
(I think dated her.....)
She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the
keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a
hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the
blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and
around while the blonde inside the car is saying,
"A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
(I think dated her.....)
••
My wife said “You never listen to me.
You only hear what you want to hear.”
To which I replied, “Sure, I’ll have a beer.”
You only hear what you want to hear.”
To which I replied, “Sure, I’ll have a beer.”
••
“The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch
swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like
it was the best conversation that you ever had.”
swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like
it was the best conversation that you ever had.”
••
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket,
Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”
“But Larry’s still alive.”
“I know, but his hair is gone.”
••
A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their
cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'It's only $10 for 12 cans.' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them.' demands the wife,
and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar
of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream.
It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 12 cans of Budweiser and it's
half the price!
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their
cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'It's only $10 for 12 cans.' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them.' demands the wife,
and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar
of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream.
It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 12 cans of Budweiser and it's
half the price!
••
A blonde and a brunette jumped off the empire state building.
which one would hit the ground first?
The brunette.......
The blond would have to stop and ask for directions...
A blonde and a brunette jumped off the empire state building.
which one would hit the ground first?
The brunette.......
The blond would have to stop and ask for directions...
••
Tip: What should be given to an elephant that has diarrhea?
Lots of space!
Lots of space!
••
Pasco Man Arrested, says 48 Beers Was Likely 10 Too Many...
—Source: St. Petersburg Times.
—Source: St. Petersburg Times.
••
Contentment has one big advantage over wealth:
friends don't try to borrow it from you.
friends don't try to borrow it from you.
••
My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was
expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.
Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping,
I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed
away.
It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.
When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers
stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club
in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out
of the woods.
"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose
his ball!"
expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.
Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping,
I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed
away.
It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.
When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers
stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club
in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out
of the woods.
"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose
his ball!"
••
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench.
"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear
before this court," he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through
a red light' five hundred times."
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench.
"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear
before this court," he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through
a red light' five hundred times."
••••
