••
♥
Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager.
A: Waiter: It's no use..... He can't eat it either....
A: Waiter: It's no use..... He can't eat it either....
••
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an
even larger size than the super-size.
When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized...
even larger size than the super-size.
When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized...
••
Two explorers are at their London club.
One says to the other, ‘Did you hear about Old Chumley?
On his last expedition to Africa he married a gorilla!’
‘Good God,’ says the other...... ‘That’s a bit queer.’
‘Oh no,’ replies the first explorer.
‘It was a female gorilla.
One says to the other, ‘Did you hear about Old Chumley?
On his last expedition to Africa he married a gorilla!’
‘Good God,’ says the other...... ‘That’s a bit queer.’
‘Oh no,’ replies the first explorer.
‘It was a female gorilla.
••
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie, of course....
A: A walkie-talkie, of course....
••
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private
and asks:"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
and asks:"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
••
Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the
clause before the pause...
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the
clause before the pause...
••
Remember, even a head of iceberg lettuce knows more than
you do.
It knows whether or not that light really does go out when the
refrigerator door shuts.
you do.
It knows whether or not that light really does go out when the
refrigerator door shuts.
••
Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're
sitting on the examination table telling him about your
symptoms, and with each new one you describe,
he backs a little further away?
sitting on the examination table telling him about your
symptoms, and with each new one you describe,
he backs a little further away?
••
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for
some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?"
asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist
who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads
out loud from the container... "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"...
some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?"
asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist
who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads
out loud from the container... "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"...
••••
