••
♥
More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes And Blunders...
"I am not part of the problem...... I am a Democrat."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going
to the polls." -- Vice President Al Gore
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
not having it." -- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996
"The American people would not want to know of any
misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"I am not part of the problem...... I am a Democrat."
-- Vice President Al Gore
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going
to the polls." -- Vice President Al Gore
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
not having it." -- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996
"The American people would not want to know of any
misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."
-- Vice President Al Gore
••
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
••
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter.
For those of you that dont know, Easter is the day we celebrate
Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a
rabbit that hides colored eggs.
For those of you that dont know, Easter is the day we celebrate
Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a
rabbit that hides colored eggs.
••
A missionary, in Africa, was out taking a walk in the jungle.
Suddenly, he heard a noise from the brush in front of him.
It was a lion.
He started to back up and heard a noise from behind.
Sure enough, it was another lion.
He looked to his left and then to his right.
You guessed it, lions were on both sides.
It looked grim, so the missionary sat down where he was
and started to read his Bible.
Shortly after he started reading, the lions jumped the
missionary and ate him.
Moral of the story: Never read between the lions.
Suddenly, he heard a noise from the brush in front of him.
It was a lion.
He started to back up and heard a noise from behind.
Sure enough, it was another lion.
He looked to his left and then to his right.
You guessed it, lions were on both sides.
It looked grim, so the missionary sat down where he was
and started to read his Bible.
Shortly after he started reading, the lions jumped the
missionary and ate him.
Moral of the story: Never read between the lions.
••
I walked up to a girl in a bar the other night and said
"Hey baby, did you know I wear size 14 shoes?..."
She looks at me in disgust, clearly unimpressed and says
"Let me guess, do I know what they say about guys with big feet?"
"No. I'm just telling you there is no point in running."
"Hey baby, did you know I wear size 14 shoes?..."
She looks at me in disgust, clearly unimpressed and says
"Let me guess, do I know what they say about guys with big feet?"
"No. I'm just telling you there is no point in running."
••
A passenger piled his cases on the scale at an airline counter
in New York and said to the clerk:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles.
I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones
to go to Seattle."
"I'm sorry, sir," the clerk replied: "but we can't do that."
"Why not?" the man asked: "You did it last time!"
in New York and said to the clerk:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles.
I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones
to go to Seattle."
"I'm sorry, sir," the clerk replied: "but we can't do that."
"Why not?" the man asked: "You did it last time!"
••
A little old man was escorted into the witness box.
He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what
happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the
incident he finally got around to the meat of the case:
‘And then she hit me with a maple leaf.’
‘A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any
serious injury,’ said the lawyer.
‘Are you kidding?’ exclaimed the old man.
‘It was the leaf from the centre of our dining room table.’
He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what
happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the
incident he finally got around to the meat of the case:
‘And then she hit me with a maple leaf.’
‘A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any
serious injury,’ said the lawyer.
‘Are you kidding?’ exclaimed the old man.
‘It was the leaf from the centre of our dining room table.’
••
Prayer Upon Waking.......
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad
of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and
from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you!.... Amen
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad
of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and
from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you!.... Amen
••
Before baseball parks had lights, it often got so dark the
players couldn’t see what they were doing.
Once, on an Easter Sunday evening, a ball was hit to an
outfielder.
The player lost it in the darkness.
Fortunately, the Easter bunny, running by at the time,
grabbed the ball and threw it to first base for the out.
That was the first time a baseball player was thrown out by
a hare.
players couldn’t see what they were doing.
Once, on an Easter Sunday evening, a ball was hit to an
outfielder.
The player lost it in the darkness.
Fortunately, the Easter bunny, running by at the time,
grabbed the ball and threw it to first base for the out.
That was the first time a baseball player was thrown out by
a hare.
••••
