••
♥
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the
same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the
same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
••
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard
my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, Sweetheart?
Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said: "I'll have chicken, thank you."
She replied: "You're having soup a-hole.......
I was talking to the dog."
my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, Sweetheart?
Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said: "I'll have chicken, thank you."
She replied: "You're having soup a-hole.......
I was talking to the dog."
••
The single most exciting thing you encounter in government
is competence, because it's so rare.
is competence, because it's so rare.
••
Harry is so lazy, if you shot him he’d probably ask someone
to help him to the floor.
Harry was so lazy, if he dropped something he wouldn’t pick
it up again till his shoelaces needed tying.
Harry was so lazy he had his window box concreted over.
Harry works almost every day.
He almost works on Monday, he almost works on Tuesday,
he almost works on Wednesday.
to help him to the floor.
Harry was so lazy, if he dropped something he wouldn’t pick
it up again till his shoelaces needed tying.
Harry was so lazy he had his window box concreted over.
Harry works almost every day.
He almost works on Monday, he almost works on Tuesday,
he almost works on Wednesday.
••
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.
gun and won.
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Weirdo!
Weirdo who?
Weirdo you think you're going!
Who's there?
Weirdo!
Weirdo who?
Weirdo you think you're going!
••
You might be kinky if a friend asks to borrow some rope
and you go to your bedroom to get it, instead of your garage.
and you go to your bedroom to get it, instead of your garage.
••
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid
waste....
waste....
••
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown
grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments.
I am in 301.
There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor.
When you get out, I'm on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these
buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments.
I am in 301.
There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor.
When you get out, I'm on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these
buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
••••
