••
♥
A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell.
There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl.
The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is
with this hideous looking person.
The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in
his life and that’s his punishment.”
The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with
a beautiful model.
The stunned guy asks “What’s Bill Clinton doing with that
model?”
The devil replied, “Well, that model did some pretty bad things
in her life.”
There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl.
The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is
with this hideous looking person.
The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in
his life and that’s his punishment.”
The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with
a beautiful model.
The stunned guy asks “What’s Bill Clinton doing with that
model?”
The devil replied, “Well, that model did some pretty bad things
in her life.”
••
A senior Senator called and had a question about the
documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him
that he needed a visa.
“Oh, no I don’t.
I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one
of those.”
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four
times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”
documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him
that he needed a visa.
“Oh, no I don’t.
I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one
of those.”
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four
times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”
••
A mechanic called one of his customers, a bank officer after a
check bounced.
“The check you sent me to pay your bill has bounced!”
He yelled!
The officer replied,”well, so did all my car problems that you
fixed!”
A mechanic called one of his customers, a bank officer after a
check bounced.
“The check you sent me to pay your bill has bounced!”
He yelled!
The officer replied,”well, so did all my car problems that you
fixed!”
••
Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a
warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on
the door.Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the
floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked
the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused.
“That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me.
Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him.”
warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on
the door.Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the
floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked
the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused.
“That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me.
Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him.”
••
There is nothing more expensive than a female tear…..
When a single drop comes out,it first mixes with “loreal”
eyeliner and “Dior” mascara
then when it comes down to cheek….it mixes with D&G blusher
and in case it touches the lips,,
it gets mixed with “Maybelline” lipstick
this means that a single drop is worth atleast $50
When a single drop comes out,it first mixes with “loreal”
eyeliner and “Dior” mascara
then when it comes down to cheek….it mixes with D&G blusher
and in case it touches the lips,,
it gets mixed with “Maybelline” lipstick
this means that a single drop is worth atleast $50
••
A famous inspirational speaker said:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman,
who wasn’t my wife.”
Audience was in shock and silence.
He added: “She was my mother”
(A big round of plause & laughter)
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.
After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman,
who wasn’t my wife”
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of
that speaker.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste....
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman,
who wasn’t my wife.”
Audience was in shock and silence.
He added: “She was my mother”
(A big round of plause & laughter)
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.
After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman,
who wasn’t my wife”
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of
that speaker.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste....
••
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
pants.
pants.
••
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and
pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times
a week.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the
right foot.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated
and sent home.
* The skin was moist and dry.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times
a week.
* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the
right foot.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated
and sent home.
* The skin was moist and dry.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
••••
