It's cold in here....
••
♥
Marvin was sitting in a coffeeship in Columbus when a man
he recognized walked in, so he said, "Hey, Larry! Boy,
look at you.
When I knew you, you had a headful of hair, and now you're
bald and you shaved off your mustache and you're wearing
glasses."
The guy replies, "I'm Gary Kirby" and Marvin says, "An you
changed your name, too!"
he recognized walked in, so he said, "Hey, Larry! Boy,
look at you.
When I knew you, you had a headful of hair, and now you're
bald and you shaved off your mustache and you're wearing
glasses."
The guy replies, "I'm Gary Kirby" and Marvin says, "An you
changed your name, too!"
••
I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She has a face like a saint--
A saint bernard!"
A saint bernard!"
••
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once
all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the
scene, what happened?"
"Well, it's like this.
Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him
take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in
stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in
the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last
thing he'd have done."
"It was, sir."
all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the
scene, what happened?"
"Well, it's like this.
Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him
take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in
stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in
the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last
thing he'd have done."
"It was, sir."
••
When She Says, "Do I Look Fat In This?"
Never Say "Not to Stevie Wonder."
I still have a large lump and terrible headache....
Never Say "Not to Stevie Wonder."
I still have a large lump and terrible headache....
••
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
••
A passion for politics stems usually from an insatiable need,
either for power, or for friendship and adulation,
or a combination of both.....
either for power, or for friendship and adulation,
or a combination of both.....
••
The 2 most common elements
in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
••
An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game.
As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried
wife met him.
"Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?"
"Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of
my life.
Jack died out there on the golf course.
Just had a heart attack at the second hole and then died."
"Oh, no!" she cried.
"How awful for you! He was your best friend!
No wonder you are late....."
"Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said, "the whole rest
of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball,
drag Jack..
As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried
wife met him.
"Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?"
"Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of
my life.
Jack died out there on the golf course.
Just had a heart attack at the second hole and then died."
"Oh, no!" she cried.
"How awful for you! He was your best friend!
No wonder you are late....."
"Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said, "the whole rest
of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball,
drag Jack..
••
I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law.
My neighbour said "Are you going to help?"
I said "No, Six should be enough"
My neighbour said "Are you going to help?"
I said "No, Six should be enough"
••••
