••
♥
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones,
but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg,
and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth."
Mr. Jones cries, "My God! What will we do with such a
deformed baby?"
The doctor says "Use it as a rake?"
but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg,
and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth."
Mr. Jones cries, "My God! What will we do with such a
deformed baby?"
The doctor says "Use it as a rake?"
••'
A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted
to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
••
An Blond woman rushed out into the afternoon on her way to
meet her best friend at a coffee house.
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed.
"Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. .
and. . and you know, he's a married man!"
meet her best friend at a coffee house.
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed.
"Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. .
and. . and you know, he's a married man!"
••
Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from
Chuck Norris....
Chuck Norris....
••
"I got a dog and named him 'Stay'.
Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane
and wouldn't move at all."
Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane
and wouldn't move at all."
••
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic
collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens,
a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of
crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
an Exaltation of doves and, presumably, because they look so
wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a gathering of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious,
most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not....... a Congress!
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic
collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens,
a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of
crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
an Exaltation of doves and, presumably, because they look so
wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a gathering of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious,
most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not....... a Congress!
••
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that...
I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on
her legs."
I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on
her legs."
••
A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold
down a job.
After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at
the local zoo.
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his
reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was
doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with
the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the
door and whooooosh, they were gone!"
••••
down a job.
After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at
the local zoo.
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his
reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was
doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with
the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the
door and whooooosh, they were gone!"
••••
