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♥
As I walked into work today, my boss announced that we
would be having a mandatory drug test.
Ecstatic, I exclaimed, "Great! What sort of drugs will we
be testing?"
would be having a mandatory drug test.
Ecstatic, I exclaimed, "Great! What sort of drugs will we
be testing?"
••
The "Letters To The Editor" desk at the local paper received
the following note from a reader: "My wife was about to file
for a divorce when she read the article in your paper about
the importance of giving second chances in making a marriage
work.
So she changed her mind about the divorce.
Effective today, please cancel my subscription to your paper."
the following note from a reader: "My wife was about to file
for a divorce when she read the article in your paper about
the importance of giving second chances in making a marriage
work.
So she changed her mind about the divorce.
Effective today, please cancel my subscription to your paper."
••
A pest extermination company was giving free termite
inspections, and my Dad called for an appointment.
After the inspector checked over our house thoroughly, he
handed Dad the estimate and said, "You don't have any
termites right now, but there's a bunch of 'em in that firewood
you've got stacked out back.
When they've eaten their way through that, I guarantee they'll
head for your house."
Dad thanked the man for his time, and his estimate, then led
him out of the house.
A week later, the company called back, wondering if we were
interested in using their termite extermination services.
In his slow drawl, I heard my father reply, "Well, from the
prices you quoted, I'm thinking it'll be cheaper to just buy the
termites another cord of wood every now and again."
inspections, and my Dad called for an appointment.
After the inspector checked over our house thoroughly, he
handed Dad the estimate and said, "You don't have any
termites right now, but there's a bunch of 'em in that firewood
you've got stacked out back.
When they've eaten their way through that, I guarantee they'll
head for your house."
Dad thanked the man for his time, and his estimate, then led
him out of the house.
A week later, the company called back, wondering if we were
interested in using their termite extermination services.
In his slow drawl, I heard my father reply, "Well, from the
prices you quoted, I'm thinking it'll be cheaper to just buy the
termites another cord of wood every now and again."
••
What do frogs do after a bad day?
They kermit suicide.
They kermit suicide.
••
Apparently what you play with when your young will have an
impact on what your career will be as an adult.
If you played with cars you'd be a mechanic.
If you played with Lego, you'd be a builder.
If it was Operation, you'd be a surgeon.
I'm now self employed........
impact on what your career will be as an adult.
If you played with cars you'd be a mechanic.
If you played with Lego, you'd be a builder.
If it was Operation, you'd be a surgeon.
I'm now self employed........
••
Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear rug..
the bear's not dead, it's just afraid to move.....
the bear's not dead, it's just afraid to move.....
••
Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced
clergyman.
As Jock pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his pocket the
clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here,
I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whiskey in my life!"
"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram.
"There's no risk of you starting now!"
clergyman.
As Jock pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his pocket the
clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here,
I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whiskey in my life!"
"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram.
"There's no risk of you starting now!"
••
My wife turned to me during her mother’s funeral and hissed
"when we get home later, I'm going to make you pay for this".
For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.
Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.
"when we get home later, I'm going to make you pay for this".
For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.
Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.
••••
