••
♥
The human body has 7 trillion nerves.......
my wife manages to get on every one of them.
my wife manages to get on every one of them.
••
While filling up at a gas station, I accidentally spilled
gasoline on my shirt.
When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling
her nose.
Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease.
“If you smell gas,” I said, “it’s me.”
gasoline on my shirt.
When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling
her nose.
Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease.
“If you smell gas,” I said, “it’s me.”
••
Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there are
footprints on the moon.....
footprints on the moon.....
••
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been
dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of colleagues
who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment.
It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone
stating, "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track.
I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently "remain calm and stay on the line" was not
considered to be an appropriate or correct response...
dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of colleagues
who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment.
It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone
stating, "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track.
I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently "remain calm and stay on the line" was not
considered to be an appropriate or correct response...
••
Advertising Rule: In writing a patent-medicine advertisement,
first convince the reader that he has the disease he is reading
about; secondly, that it is curable.
first convince the reader that he has the disease he is reading
about; secondly, that it is curable.
••
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation.
Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
••
Albert: "My doctor advised me to stop playing golf".
Ron: "Why is that? Did he look at your elbows?"
Albert: "No, just my scoreboard."
Ron: "Why is that? Did he look at your elbows?"
Albert: "No, just my scoreboard."
••
A young man tutored his sweetheart maths,
he thought of it as his mission.
He kissed her once then once again and said
"There, that's addition!"
She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,
she kissed once and once again,
smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"
he thought of it as his mission.
He kissed her once then once again and said
"There, that's addition!"
She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,
she kissed once and once again,
smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"
Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication,
they kissed each other once, then twice,
and said "that must be multiplication!"
Meanwhile the young lady's father had this 'lesson' in his vision..
He kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said
"Then that is long division!"
they kissed each other once, then twice,
and said "that must be multiplication!"
Meanwhile the young lady's father had this 'lesson' in his vision..
He kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said
"Then that is long division!"
••
“Mischievous lambs post their videos on Ewe Tube.”
••
I took a woman back to my house the other night.
"Why are all of these photos turned the other way?"
she asked confused.
"They're pictures of my wife," I replied.
"They're just too painful to look at."
"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologised.
"I never knew, how did it happen if you don't mind me
asking?"
"Both of her parents were ugly," I replied.
"Why are all of these photos turned the other way?"
she asked confused.
"They're pictures of my wife," I replied.
"They're just too painful to look at."
"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologised.
"I never knew, how did it happen if you don't mind me
asking?"
"Both of her parents were ugly," I replied.
••
We call our grandad spiderman.
He hasn't got any superpowers he just finds it difficult to
get out of the bath.
••••
He hasn't got any superpowers he just finds it difficult to
get out of the bath.
••••
