••
♥
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging
the paper.
••
They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to
your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these,
and then I remembered, I own a lamp....
••
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
••
The other day, Bill's wife asked him to go to the video
store and get 'Scent of a Woman'. She hit him over the head when he came back with
'A Fish Called Wanda'.
••
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
••
A very young couple exhibiting signs of extreme
nervousness timidly approached the check-in desk of a large hotel.
"Good evening, sir," said the official behind the desk,
favouring the young man with a perceptive wink.
"Suite 16?"
"Oh, no!" the young man responded quickly.
"She's eighteen."
••
Why was Snow White kicked out of Disney Land?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and saying 'Lie you bastard, lie!'
••
I know it's disgusting, but I just had to show my wife the
biggest shit I've ever done."Gus!" she shrieked..... "Take it back to the toilet".
••
Every time the man next door came toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something.
"He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson
to his wife.
"Watch this."
"Err hi... I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this
morning?" the neighbor began.
"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."
"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your
golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"
••••
