••
♥
Here's a phrase you never hear in Korea:
"Family dog."
You will hear "Twenty ways to wok your dog" though.
"Family dog."
You will hear "Twenty ways to wok your dog" though.
••
Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at
once.
once.
••
A Polar Bear goes into a bar and says, " Can I have a gin . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic please?"
The barman serves him and says, "Why the large pause?"
Polar Bear says, "Don't know, I've always had them!"
. . . . . . . . and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic please?"
The barman serves him and says, "Why the large pause?"
Polar Bear says, "Don't know, I've always had them!"
••
How Did It Happen?"
The doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the
man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past!
Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working
on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's
beautiful daughter came into my room.
She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you???"
she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor,
"What the hell does this story have to do with your
broken leg?!?!?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
The doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the
man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past!
Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working
on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's
beautiful daughter came into my room.
She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you???"
she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor,
"What the hell does this story have to do with your
broken leg?!?!?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
••
A certain senator was sitting in his attorney's office.
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the
terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the Senator incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the
terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the Senator incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
••
You might be a reneck if...
* Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont
drifter and a dip net.
* City code enforcement officers use your property
as a proving ground for new recruits.
* You think Tang is in the fruit group.
* You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away,
but still have trouble with your ABC's.
* You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can
of beer.
* You think your IQ is the number of coons you
shot out of season.
* Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont
drifter and a dip net.
* City code enforcement officers use your property
as a proving ground for new recruits.
* You think Tang is in the fruit group.
* You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away,
but still have trouble with your ABC's.
* You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can
of beer.
* You think your IQ is the number of coons you
shot out of season.
••
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid
waste.
waste.
••
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've
become a compulsive thief."
The doctor prescribes him a course of tablets and
says, "If you're not cured in a couple of weeks would
you get me a widescreen television?"
become a compulsive thief."
The doctor prescribes him a course of tablets and
says, "If you're not cured in a couple of weeks would
you get me a widescreen television?"
••
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person
who cried was the doctor.
Never slap Chuck Norris.
who cried was the doctor.
Never slap Chuck Norris.
♦♦♦♦
