What! you couldn't break it too?
Let me out.. That squirrel stole my cookie....
••
♥
Theres only two kinds of people in the world that own scales:
people who think they're fat and drug dealers.
people who think they're fat and drug dealers.
••
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th
anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and
grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in
her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof --
the husband was 90.
anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and
grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in
her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof --
the husband was 90.
••
Blessed are those who go around in circles,
for they shall be known as wheels.
for they shall be known as wheels.
••
What Is One Billion?
According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury
According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury
••
Good judgment comes from bad experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
••
The wealthy old man looked around the table at his sons and
daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.
"Not a single grandchild." he said with a sigh.
Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents
me with a little one to bounce on my knee.
Now, let's say grace."
When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only
other person at the table.
daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.
"Not a single grandchild." he said with a sigh.
Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents
me with a little one to bounce on my knee.
Now, let's say grace."
When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only
other person at the table.
••
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible.
Yes I can see you're not all there!
Yes I can see you're not all there!
••
A guy sees a buddy and notices that his friend's car is a total
wreck.
It is covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend, "So what the heck happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... but what about
the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase him all through the park..."
wreck.
It is covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend, "So what the heck happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... but what about
the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase him all through the park..."
••
“My wife's dad spends a lot of time in the bathroom.
He is my Father in Loo.”
He is my Father in Loo.”
••
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills . . .
Making the last car payment.
Making the last car payment.
••
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,
"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a
chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered,
"A basketball coach?"
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,
"How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a
chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered,
"A basketball coach?"
••
Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!
••••
