••
♥
Paddy pulls up at a red light beside a gorgeous young
woman, smiles at her and lowers his window.
The woman smiles back and also lowers her window.
"Ah," says Paddy, "so you farted too?"
woman, smiles at her and lowers his window.
The woman smiles back and also lowers her window.
"Ah," says Paddy, "so you farted too?"
••
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker
were in Mexico arguing about which place had the
toughest trees.
The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree
that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge
and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no
problem.
The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the
Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that
was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used
by woodpeckers) .
The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that
he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican
woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called
'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused.
How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to
peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker
was able to peck the Canadian tree?
But neither was able to peck the tree in their own
country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came
to the same conclusion:
Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're
away from home.
were in Mexico arguing about which place had the
toughest trees.
The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree
that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge
and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no
problem.
The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the
Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that
was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used
by woodpeckers) .
The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that
he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican
woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called
'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused.
How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to
peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker
was able to peck the Canadian tree?
But neither was able to peck the tree in their own
country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came
to the same conclusion:
Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're
away from home.
••
The trouble with doing something right the first
time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The corollary to this law is that anyone can make a
mistake; only a complete idiot insists on repeating it.
Note that I make no insinuations regarding multiple
marriages.
time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The corollary to this law is that anyone can make a
mistake; only a complete idiot insists on repeating it.
Note that I make no insinuations regarding multiple
marriages.
••
Who says sticks and stones may break my bones...
but words will never hurt me?
A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
but words will never hurt me?
A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
••
A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman
and said,
"I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"
and said,
"I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"
••
SUPPORT BACTERIA....
They're the only culture some people have
They're the only culture some people have
••
My sisters a personal trainer.
Thats a tough job.
I dont think I can do that.
You gotta help people with their fitness goals.
Can you help me define my abs?
Yeah -- disgusting, sloppy, gelatinous.
Thats a tough job.
I dont think I can do that.
You gotta help people with their fitness goals.
Can you help me define my abs?
Yeah -- disgusting, sloppy, gelatinous.
••
While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided
to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.
A passerby commented to the blind man, "What!
That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs,
and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"
To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not
petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can
kick his Butt!!
to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.
A passerby commented to the blind man, "What!
That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs,
and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"
To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not
petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can
kick his Butt!!
••
An egg walks into a room and sees another egg
sitting there with his hands behind his head,
sunglasses on and looking smug.....
The first egg says "What's the matter with you?"
The other replies "I've just been layed."
sitting there with his hands behind his head,
sunglasses on and looking smug.....
The first egg says "What's the matter with you?"
The other replies "I've just been layed."
••
Donald Trump is on a P.R. tour and visits an old
folks' home.
He walks up to a sweet looking old lady in a
wheelchair, and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
She smiles through her blank expression and
responds, "No...but if you go up to the front desk,
they'll tell you."
folks' home.
He walks up to a sweet looking old lady in a
wheelchair, and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
She smiles through her blank expression and
responds, "No...but if you go up to the front desk,
they'll tell you."
••
The very first Woolworth's five-and-dime opened in
1879.
They went out of business in 1997.
They were nickel and dimed to death.
••••
1879.
They went out of business in 1997.
They were nickel and dimed to death.
••••
