••
♥
My grandma has been married for 57 years.
So I opened the door to the room where she was sitting and
asked, “Grandma.
What is the key to everlasting love?”
She answered, “Shut the door! I’m trying to poop!”
So I opened the door to the room where she was sitting and
asked, “Grandma.
What is the key to everlasting love?”
She answered, “Shut the door! I’m trying to poop!”
••
I may be Schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
••
Answering Machine Message 17
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order.
I am leaving a broken CD player in its place.
It can't take messages either.
In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait
to not leave a message.
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order.
I am leaving a broken CD player in its place.
It can't take messages either.
In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait
to not leave a message.
••
A drunk gets on the bus late one night, staggers up
the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says:
"I've got news for you.... You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts:
"Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says:
"I've got news for you.... You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts:
"Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Llama!
Llama who?
Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy..
Who's there?
Llama!
Llama who?
Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy..
••
A blonde pushed her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
••
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their
35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them
and grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof --
the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof --
the husband was 90.
35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them
and grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof --
the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof --
the husband was 90.
••
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a
vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
••
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse.
What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse.
What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name.
Means Nag, Nag, Nag."
••••
