••
♥
I can't believe it.
I just saw on the news that a midget got pick pocketed in
broad daylight!!!
How could anyone stoop so low?
I just saw on the news that a midget got pick pocketed in
broad daylight!!!
How could anyone stoop so low?
••
A great tip....
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you
don't know..
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you
don't know..
••
A man riding out in the bush fell from his **Horse** and
broke his leg.
He was a long way out, so the situation looked pretty grim.
Then the **Horse** grabbed the man's belt in his teeth and
dragged him to the shade of a nearby tree.
He made the man as comfortable as he could and then
galloped off to get help.
The man discussed the incident a few weeks later with a friend.
The friend was very, very, impressed and praised the
**Horse**'s intelligence.
"He's not so smart," said the animal's owner.
"He came back with a vet."
broke his leg.
He was a long way out, so the situation looked pretty grim.
Then the **Horse** grabbed the man's belt in his teeth and
dragged him to the shade of a nearby tree.
He made the man as comfortable as he could and then
galloped off to get help.
The man discussed the incident a few weeks later with a friend.
The friend was very, very, impressed and praised the
**Horse**'s intelligence.
"He's not so smart," said the animal's owner.
"He came back with a vet."
••
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. ~Yogi Berra
••
The Marquis hops off his carriage and knocks on the door of
his manor.
His faithful domestique James opens the door, bows and
attentively says:
Please come in, you son of a bitch.
Where is it that your Excellency spent the afternoon looking
like the retarded transvestite bitch he is?
The Marquis smiles and answers:
-I went to get myself a hearing aid.
his manor.
His faithful domestique James opens the door, bows and
attentively says:
Please come in, you son of a bitch.
Where is it that your Excellency spent the afternoon looking
like the retarded transvestite bitch he is?
The Marquis smiles and answers:
-I went to get myself a hearing aid.
••
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an
evening church service when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the burglar red-handed, and yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38 (meaning, repent and be baptized...)!"
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks.
The woman then calmly called the police and explained what
she had done.
As the officer cuffed the burglar, he asked, "Why did you just
stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "I thought she said she had
an axe and two 38's!"
evening church service when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the burglar red-handed, and yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38 (meaning, repent and be baptized...)!"
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks.
The woman then calmly called the police and explained what
she had done.
As the officer cuffed the burglar, he asked, "Why did you just
stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "I thought she said she had
an axe and two 38's!"
••
Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.
••
What' s the difference between baseball and politics?
In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.
In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing.
••
Our young son made up his mind one day that he needed to
eat healthier breakfasts, so he chose oatmeal as his cereal of
choice.
But after eating his first bowl, he told his mother,
"I hope I develop a taste for this stuff.
It goes down real rough."
"Well," his mother asked, "Just how long did you cook it?"
"Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
eat healthier breakfasts, so he chose oatmeal as his cereal of
choice.
But after eating his first bowl, he told his mother,
"I hope I develop a taste for this stuff.
It goes down real rough."
"Well," his mother asked, "Just how long did you cook it?"
"Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
••••
