Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths" I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be" remorse the patient.

 

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I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of
worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.
Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth,
I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in
my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting
bit.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little
whiskey in its mouth.
Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp.
I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried
on fishing, using the frog.
Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that damn snake ... with two more frogs.
Life is good in the South.

 

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I bought a plunger the other day.
You ever bought a plunger?
Its an embarrassing purchase.
At first, you think its no big deal.
 Stand in the line, swinging it.
And then you realize everybody knows;
you got a situation at home.
Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.

 

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Some people manage by the book, even though they
don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

 

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lisa!
Lisa who?
Lisa you can do is let me in......

 

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A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears
with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below,
"Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker,
"mine had a pencil behind it."

 

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“My friend was fired from his job at the road department for
stealing.
I have to say I saw it coming.
The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.”

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