••
♥
A man was having marital problems.
So he went to his shrink.
The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down
your briefcase, run to her,
embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours,
and make mad passionate love to her."
In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.
The shrink asked "How did it go?"
He said, "She didn't have anything to say,
but her bridge club got a kick out of it."
So he went to his shrink.
The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down
your briefcase, run to her,
embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours,
and make mad passionate love to her."
In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.
The shrink asked "How did it go?"
He said, "She didn't have anything to say,
but her bridge club got a kick out of it."
••
This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he
slipped.
He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid air.
After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and
looked up to the heavens and cried out:
"God, help me!... Please, help me!"
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice
boomed out from on high. "Let Go!" said the voice.
The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more,
and said: "Is there anyone else up there?
slipped.
He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid air.
After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and
looked up to the heavens and cried out:
"God, help me!... Please, help me!"
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice
boomed out from on high. "Let Go!" said the voice.
The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more,
and said: "Is there anyone else up there?
••
As migration approached, two elderly vultures
doubted they could make the trip south, so they
decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant
noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.
"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as
luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures.
"They're carrion."
doubted they could make the trip south, so they
decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant
noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.
"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as
luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures.
"They're carrion."
••
Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it
happen?
A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle,
it just happens.
If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is
driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make
it happen.
happen?
A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle,
it just happens.
If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is
driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make
it happen.
••
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work
today."
HER "But I've got some good news and some bad
news for you dear."
HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now,
just give me the good news."
HER "Well, the air bag works."
HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work
today."
HER "But I've got some good news and some bad
news for you dear."
HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now,
just give me the good news."
HER "Well, the air bag works."
••
"My fiance and I booked a twin-bedded room but we
were placed in a double-bedded room.
We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find
myself pregnant.
This would not have happened if you had put us in
the room that we booked."
were placed in a double-bedded room.
We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find
myself pregnant.
This would not have happened if you had put us in
the room that we booked."
••
People who can’t see the color red have protanopia.
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