••
♥
A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was
working in the desert near Israel when he happened
upon an odd looking vase.
After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was
astonished when a genie sprang from the container
and granted him 3 wishes.
Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land
holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives.
All wishes were granted, but on one condition.
Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a
haircut or shave.
To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the
same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned.
All went well during the first few years of his lavish
lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more
and more of a problem.
One day, during a moment of weakness and
desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some
scissors and began cutting off his beard.
Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found
himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand.
The moral of this story?
"A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."
working in the desert near Israel when he happened
upon an odd looking vase.
After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was
astonished when a genie sprang from the container
and granted him 3 wishes.
Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land
holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives.
All wishes were granted, but on one condition.
Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a
haircut or shave.
To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the
same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned.
All went well during the first few years of his lavish
lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more
and more of a problem.
One day, during a moment of weakness and
desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some
scissors and began cutting off his beard.
Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found
himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand.
The moral of this story?
"A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."
••
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know
how to feed them.
So she called her brunette friend, and she showed
her how.
Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said,
''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
how to feed them.
So she called her brunette friend, and she showed
her how.
Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said,
''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
••
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:
George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"
Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3
days"
George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years;
you kill a man and get 3 days???"
Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer.....
George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"
Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3
days"
George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years;
you kill a man and get 3 days???"
Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer.....
••
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter
without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan.
They got a very authentic female moose costume
and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull,
then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing,
donned their costume and began to give the moose
love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came
crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, the guy in front
said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity,
the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck!
What are we going to do?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start
nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan.
They got a very authentic female moose costume
and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull,
then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing,
donned their costume and began to give the moose
love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came
crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, the guy in front
said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity,
the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck!
What are we going to do?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start
nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
••
Q: What's striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick....
A: A tiger on a pogo stick....
••
If something is inherently funny, its relatable after
the fact.
Anyone who says, You had to be there, should just
not have told you the thing in the first place because
its not funny.
the fact.
Anyone who says, You had to be there, should just
not have told you the thing in the first place because
its not funny.
••
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson...... He brought the house down.
A. Samson...... He brought the house down.
••
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,
he's telling you how many seconds you have left
to live.
he's telling you how many seconds you have left
to live.
••
Q: What's striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick...
A: A tiger on a pogo stick...
••••
