••
♥
I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year -
I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't hidden.
I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't hidden.
••
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a
small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
In 1989, a Union Bridge, Md., high school permitted
a female student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out
for its football team under the pressure of a federal
statute that bars school discrimination on the basis
of gender.
On her first scrimmage, Tawana, a running back,
was tackled and suffered massive internal injuries.
In October 1992, she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit
against the county board of education for its alleged
failure to tell her how dangerous football is....
a female student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out
for its football team under the pressure of a federal
statute that bars school discrimination on the basis
of gender.
On her first scrimmage, Tawana, a running back,
was tackled and suffered massive internal injuries.
In October 1992, she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit
against the county board of education for its alleged
failure to tell her how dangerous football is....
••
Two old guys talking.
One said to the other: "My 72nd birthday was yesterday.
Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV!
What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
One said to the other: "My 72nd birthday was yesterday.
Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV!
What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
••
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman
about a job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the
window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted
a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling
'green side up.?
I'm sorry," came the reply.
"But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across
the street."
about a job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the
window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted
a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling
'green side up.?
I'm sorry," came the reply.
"But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across
the street."
••
You can't control everything.
Your hair was put on your head to remind you of that.
Your hair was put on your head to remind you of that.
••
A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting.
He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours.
Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry
I talked so long.
I left my watch at home."
A voice from the back of the room replied,
"There's a calendar behind you..."
He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours.
Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry
I talked so long.
I left my watch at home."
A voice from the back of the room replied,
"There's a calendar behind you..."
••
My mother-in-law has been moaning for two days about me
not fixing the broken step that leads to the basement.
I should probably go down there and check on her;
he sounds like she's in a lot of pain.
not fixing the broken step that leads to the basement.
I should probably go down there and check on her;
he sounds like she's in a lot of pain.
••
NEWS FLASH!
A Bar Association charter flight was hijacked by terrorists.
When the terrorists made their press release, they said that,
until their demands were met, they would release one lawyer
per hour.
A Bar Association charter flight was hijacked by terrorists.
When the terrorists made their press release, they said that,
until their demands were met, they would release one lawyer
per hour.
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