••
♥
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet
and Doctor Merryman. ~Jonathan Swift
••
Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are
confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you
can get into heaven you must answer a question."
Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?"
She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam."
Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into
heaven.
So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman
on earth?"
She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens -
birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.
So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing
Eve said to Adam?"
She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one."
Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into
heaven!
confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you
can get into heaven you must answer a question."
Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?"
She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam."
Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into
heaven.
So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman
on earth?"
She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens -
birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.
So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing
Eve said to Adam?"
She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one."
Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into
heaven!
••
I asked the librarian to direct me...to the Self-Help
section, but she said "Wouldn't that kinda be
self-defeating?"
section, but she said "Wouldn't that kinda be
self-defeating?"
••
Three blonde sisters went to a garage sale and bought a Genie
lamp and took it home.
When they got home the Genie came out and said:
"I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were more intelligent."
So the Genie turned her into redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her."
She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them."
So the Genie turned her into a man.
lamp and took it home.
When they got home the Genie came out and said:
"I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were more intelligent."
So the Genie turned her into redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her."
She became a brunette.
The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them."
So the Genie turned her into a man.
••
I'm having fruit salad for dinner.
Well, it's mostly grapes, actually.
Ok, it's all grapes.
Fermented grapes.
OK, so I'm having wine for dinner.
Well, it's mostly grapes, actually.
Ok, it's all grapes.
Fermented grapes.
OK, so I'm having wine for dinner.
••
My four year old and I were discussing holidays,
and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after
Halloween when you have turkey?"
My husband quickly answered, "Election day.
and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after
Halloween when you have turkey?"
My husband quickly answered, "Election day.
••
Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates...
St. Peter opens them and says, "Oh it's you Luciano -
come on in!".
Pavarotti says "Hold on, I've got an envelope for you from
the Pope."
St. Peter opens it up and reads it;
"HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU".
St. Peter opens them and says, "Oh it's you Luciano -
come on in!".
Pavarotti says "Hold on, I've got an envelope for you from
the Pope."
St. Peter opens it up and reads it;
"HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU".
••
They named me Inmate of the month;
finally something my mother can brag about.
finally something my mother can brag about.
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