••
♥
I went for a depression test.
Came back negative.
Came back negative.
••
My wife said, "I think it's time for you to have a talk
with our son about the birds and the bees."
"Why?" I asked
"Because he's 37 years old!" she replied, "And he
thinks he's pregnant."
with our son about the birds and the bees."
"Why?" I asked
"Because he's 37 years old!" she replied, "And he
thinks he's pregnant."
••
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our
cafeteria when we overheard a girl worker talking
about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to
the beach.
She said,"I drove down in a convertible but didn't
think I'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
cafeteria when we overheard a girl worker talking
about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to
the beach.
She said,"I drove down in a convertible but didn't
think I'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
••
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party
when the doctor was approached by a man who
asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then
turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know
how to handle the situation when I'm asked for
medical advice during a social function.
Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?"
The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to
do so.
The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man
a bill.
The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
when the doctor was approached by a man who
asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then
turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know
how to handle the situation when I'm asked for
medical advice during a social function.
Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?"
The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to
do so.
The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man
a bill.
The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.
••
I knew a guy who had an old bike and put a
padlocked chain on it to prevent theft.
He was a tad mortified when the chain and padlock
got nicked and the bike left behind.
padlocked chain on it to prevent theft.
He was a tad mortified when the chain and padlock
got nicked and the bike left behind.
••
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
that is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped.
SHE KEEPS IT IN THE CAR TRUNK !
that is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped.
SHE KEEPS IT IN THE CAR TRUNK !
••
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard
and hung a sign on it saying:
'Free to good home..... You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone
looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too
mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale, $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard
and hung a sign on it saying:
'Free to good home..... You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone
looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too
mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale, $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
••
Little Sonia was looking intently at her mother.
Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at
me like that?”
Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”
Mother: “That’s right.
Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs
turns white.
That’s how some have become white.”
Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair
white due to the same reason?
Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at
me like that?”
Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”
Mother: “That’s right.
Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs
turns white.
That’s how some have become white.”
Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair
white due to the same reason?
••
I failed my driver's test.
For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?"
I said "Text and check Facebook.
For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?"
I said "Text and check Facebook.
••••
