••
♥
The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but
I was thinking of going up and checking it out."
The first worm says, "That's a good idea.
Why don't you do that."
So the second worm starts on his way up through
the dirt.
At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along
the fairway.
The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, it's very early.
There's nobody else here on the course."
"Do it right here.
Nobody will know."
The first lady says, "You think so?.... Right here?"
Her friend says, "Yeah." And she agrees to do it,
because it helps the joke.
She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little
golf dress and she squats.
She's just about to commence when the worm pokes
his head up out of the grass right below her.
She lets fly and he gets drenched.
He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the
dirt.
He goes up to the first worm, and he's soaking wet.
The first worm looks at him and says,
"Oh, it's raining, huh?"
The second worm says, "Not only is it raining,
but it's raining so hard the damm birds are building
their nests upside-down!"
The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but
I was thinking of going up and checking it out."
The first worm says, "That's a good idea.
Why don't you do that."
So the second worm starts on his way up through
the dirt.
At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along
the fairway.
The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, it's very early.
There's nobody else here on the course."
"Do it right here.
Nobody will know."
The first lady says, "You think so?.... Right here?"
Her friend says, "Yeah." And she agrees to do it,
because it helps the joke.
She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little
golf dress and she squats.
She's just about to commence when the worm pokes
his head up out of the grass right below her.
She lets fly and he gets drenched.
He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the
dirt.
He goes up to the first worm, and he's soaking wet.
The first worm looks at him and says,
"Oh, it's raining, huh?"
The second worm says, "Not only is it raining,
but it's raining so hard the damm birds are building
their nests upside-down!"
••
Stevie Wonder was in the kitchen chatting with his
wife as she prepared a Lasagne, realising she had
run out of cheese, she popped out to get some.
On her return Stevie was in the kitchen crying and
swaying that head of his from side to side clutching
the cheese grater, his wife said 'stevie whats wrong
baby' and he said ' that was the most violent book
I have ever read...'
Stevie Wonder was in the kitchen chatting with his
wife as she prepared a Lasagne, realising she had
run out of cheese, she popped out to get some.
On her return Stevie was in the kitchen crying and
swaying that head of his from side to side clutching
the cheese grater, his wife said 'stevie whats wrong
baby' and he said ' that was the most violent book
I have ever read...'
••
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly
fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of
me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a
cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the
woman to come forward looked into the cart and
asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like
to buy?"
fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of
me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a
cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the
woman to come forward looked into the cart and
asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like
to buy?"
••
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam
and Eve.
And the first thing He said to them was, "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve!
We got Forbidden Fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes WAY!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God,
wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the
elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an
apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did Not!"
"DID so!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's
punishment was that Adam and Eve should have
children of their own.
and Eve.
And the first thing He said to them was, "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve!
We got Forbidden Fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes WAY!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God,
wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the
elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an
apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did Not!"
"DID so!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's
punishment was that Adam and Eve should have
children of their own.
••
When a man with nine children was asked how he
handled illness among his children, he said...
"When the first born coughed or sneezed, I called the
ambulance.
When the last one swallowed a quarter, I told him
that it was coming out of his allowance!"
handled illness among his children, he said...
"When the first born coughed or sneezed, I called the
ambulance.
When the last one swallowed a quarter, I told him
that it was coming out of his allowance!"
••
A man solves the problem of too many visiting
relatives.
He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned
it to the poor ones.
Now none of them come back......
relatives.
He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned
it to the poor ones.
Now none of them come back......
••
She was so ugly...
They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
••••
