#1917

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Margie: Hey, Lou, did you hear the one about the
guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he
changed his name to J3L-2404?

 

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A young man got a new job running the register at a
store.
The old store owner said he would teach him how to
up-sell.
"Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire.
As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter,
the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those
seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to
need a new lawnmower to cut the grass."
 "You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower.
Sure, I'll take one."
After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I
see what you mean.
Let me handle this next one."
A customer stepped up to the counter and set down
a box of tampons.
The young salesman said, "You know, you should
get you a new lawnmower to go with that."
 The man asked the young salesman, "What are you
talking about?"
"It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as
well cut the grass."

 

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I'm so stressed, I've started sniffing glue.
It's the only thing holding me together.

 

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant
my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there
would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband
said........ "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.

 

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Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill.
Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick!
I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick.
"And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"

 

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“Because they moved into an apartment,
they didn't need to cut the grass any mow.”

 

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A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to
get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

 

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“At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via
his cereal port.”

 

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We recently spent $2500 on a young bull...............
We put him out with the herd but he just ate grass
and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's
possible with a bull.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him.
He said the bull was very healthy, but possible a
little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him
once per day.
Holy crap.!
The bull started to service the cows within two days.
All of my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred all my
neighbor's cows!
He's been breeding just about everything in sight.
He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him,
but they kinda taste like peppermint.

 

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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is
that they would "hate" to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.

 

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